It's one o'clock in the morning and I cannot think of a single thing to blog about. So I thought I'd just tell you what I've been up to and thinking about in the last week.
Please don't be jealous of how exciting my life is.
On Friday, I had to depose a defendant in a case that will go to trial in September. We were talking about his substance abuse history and he told me that he had smoked marijuana and "wets." I asked what that was and he explained that it's a joint that is laced with Angel Dust and is dipped in embalming fluid.
I'm sorry . . . WHAT??
Where do people come up with these things? And WHO came up with this one in particular? Do embalmers get that bored? I mean, I know I'd be dead so it wouldn't matter, but I don't want my embalmer to be high. And I CERTAINLY don't want him to be so high that he actually thinks soaking his joints in embalming fluid is a brilliant idea.
I also don't want him to be cute because he'll be seeing me naked when I can't suck my stomach in. But I digress . . .
This same defendant explained to us that he was kicked out of the Klan because they found out about his sex offenses. I asked how they found out about them and he said . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . they did a background check. The freakin' Klan did a freakin' BACKGROUND CHECK. Who knew?? Not I.
When I was leaving Huntsville the other day, I had to get gas so I stopped at a gas station that's right by Huntsville high school. The marquis at the gas station said "Go Hornets!" and that's when I realized that the high school mascot is a hornet. Really? A hornet? I mean, sure they hurt when they sting you. Sure they should be avoided whenever possible. But there is something inherently UNthreatening about a mascot that can be killed with a newspaper. Someone should have thought that through.
Why do I use this thing again??
I've been watching NCIS a lot this week - why am I so addicted to this show? I've noticed recently that every time they go search a murder victim's house, the house is always neat and usually has one little messy pile of mail somewhere in the camera shot. It's made me start thinking about how how I should pick up my dirty laundry before I leave so it's not out if people have to search my house. I mean I don't want them to walk in and see my - oh my goodness . . . this show is turning me into my mother.
So here I am sitting here with my creaky bra and a tissue hanging out of my left nostril.
Wanna come hang out?
The hornet thing was my favorite!!.....mascot being killed by a newspaper! Thanks for my morning laugh!
Listen! i will never use the wii fit!!! It sounds terrible and your not the only person who has commented on it.
i say just get rid of it and start the hip hop abs and the ballet pole thing you have had for so long!
1. You're my hero. Just want you to know that.
2. ROTFLMAO at the KKK background check.
3. I suggest you watch more HOUSE if you want realistic "house visits". They find some neat ones, but usually they are normal, and sometimes they are the most disgusting places you can imagine. Those always make me feel like a somewhat accomplished housekeeper. (the only thing that DOES make me feel that way!)
speaking of mascots - we have one by us that makes me laugh "The Hutto Hippos" and the color is purple, so the town has purple concret hippos placed throughout the town and various businesses. I would be so embarrassed to go there...but then again - how intimidating is a "Highlander". I know it's your alma mater and I worked there - but I never understood that. I do love the bagpipe brigade at the pep rallies, but i'm sure every other school made fun of them! Don't you think???
OMG, Deborah!! Totally cracking up! You are right about the Highlander.....how threatening was that....too funny!
Hey! No making fun of the Highlanders!! A man in a plaid skirt is ALWAYS intimidating!!
Only if you are a shoe salesman!! :)
That was funny, Tam!
Post a Comment