Dating in the Dark: What would I do without you??

Since I was in trial this week, I am JUST now catching up on all my missed shows from the week. I'd like to take a moment right now to thank the Lord for the DVR - it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, after Swiss Cake Rolls, that is . . .

So Dating in the Dark was on on Monday and I just finished watching it. It started off like all the episodes do: 3 men and 3 women come into the house and prepare to find love in a dark room where they have to judge each other on personalities and not looks. And I kick back on my couch with my remote control and a pillow to bury my face in during the uncomfortable moments.

All the men and women meet up in the dark room together and thus begins the awkward journey I have come to love on this show. They sit around the table and try to talk in a way that gives the other people in the room an indication of what their personalities are like. Tonight we have Dion, Leo, Malek, Lisa, Tawny, and Tanya. Tawny announces that she is the type of person who introduces herself as a crazy girl.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm done with her already.

Then the participants get to look at each others' cars. Apparently they don't get any warning so the cars are exactly the way they left them when they arrived at the house. Oh . . . my . . . gosh . . . this would be horrible for me. I would quit the show right then. I mean, have you SEEN my car?? It's filthy. And it's filled with empty water bottles and FiberOne bar wrappers. I can just IMAGINE the rest of the participants back in the house talking about how I must be very well hydrated and remarkably regular. Mortifying.

The only noteworthy thing that came of the car exploration was that the girls found a box of condoms in Malek's cup holder. My FiberOne bar wrappers start looking WAY less embarrassing . . .

Then they get to have their first dates. First we see Dion and Lisa. They hold hands and talk about how they love to travel. I can't really tell you that much about their date because I was too distracted by the fact that Dion was sweating profusely. Every time they showed him, his hair was becoming more and more saturated. Either the A/C was broken in that room or Dion's nerves are directly connected to his sweat glands. It's quite unfortunate.

Malek and Tanya meet for their first date. Nothing too exciting. I was still wondering about Dion's hair.

Then Tanya gets to go on another date with Leo. Poor Leo. I was rooting for him because he was a self-proclaimed nerd but he took a head-first dive into Lake Awkward on this date and I had to cut him loose to save myself. He asked Tanya if she considered herself to be a good kisser and then followed it with an awkward "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." She explained that she thought they should just take it more slowly and he said that the completely agreed. And then he started whispering "ACCELERATE IT!"

I put on more deodorant because my armpits started sweating. I began to wonder if I had Dionitis.

Then Leo and Tawny have their date. At one point, they're standing up and she feels his stomach. And that's when I vow that I will never go on a date in dark room EVER. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now I have a new nightmare, thankyouverymuch Dating in the Dark. Honestly, I think that if someone felt my stomach our first date, I would be forced to feel his face with my fist.

Then the show matches them up according to their level of compatibility but no one is very happy with those matches. And, surprisingly, nothing too exciting comes of those match-ups. So the participants get to go back to the pairings they made themselves.

Dion and Lisa have another chat on the bean bag chair and seem to be a good match.

Leo and Tawny meet up in the darkroom again and she tells him to show her his favorite dance move. I whisper a reminder to her that she's in a darkroom and can't ACTUALLY see him. She is disappointed that he doesn't just whip out some dance moves and that he seems kind of nervous. But can you blame him? He's in a dark room dancing for a crazy woman - I would be nervous, too! Then she does the Running Man and I award it Awkward Moment of the Night. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Malek and Tanya meet up and are chatting about music. He "accidentally" touches her boob a few times and teaches her how to hug in his culture. She says she likes that hug and he says it's because her heart and his heart are touching each other. I start getting nervous and hope that the producers are checking to make sure that Malek didn't clean out the cup holder in his car during the commercial break . . .

The last dates were more of the same: Lisa and Dion have great chemistry. He told her that if she wasn't good looking it would probably change the way he was feeling. On the one hand, I give him kudos for his honesty but on the other hand . . . WHAT THE HECK?? Have you learned NOTHING from this show??? The date ended with him going in for a kiss but misjudging how close he was to Lisa so he was mid-sentence when he hit her lips. It was a pretty awesome. Malek says something romantic in Arabic to Tanya and she swoons. Tawny and Leo spend some more time together. He likes her but she feels no chemistry with him. I start to get nervous for the big reveals . . .

Not surprisingly, Dion and Lisa choose to see each other. They go into the room and await the spotlight. First the light shines on her. She's super nervous and doesn't know what do to under the light. I decide that I'm a Lisa fan at that point. And so does Dion - he thinks she's gorgeous. Then the light shines on him and Lisa thinks he's really cute. But she also thinks that she probably wouldn't have looked at him twice out in the real world so she needs more time to think.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???

Leo chooses to see Tawny so we see him standing in the room, waiting nervously. Then the spotlight comes on and . . . and . . . there's no one in the room with him. WHAT??? I feel like I'm going to throw up. My second round of deodorant is GONE and my butt is clenched like it's never clenched before. Apparently, Tawny just really had no chemistry with him and didn't want to lead him on so she chose to just leave the house altogether. Man! That's BRUTAL. Poor Leo . . .

Then Malek and Tanya get to see each other. Malek thinks that she is curvy but says she is beautiful inside and out. She think's he's super cute but she doesn't know. She doesn't like his receding hairline or the fact that he was wearing a scarf. But she's confused because they had such a great connection in the dark. Ummmmm . . . EXACTLY. This show makes me so mad!! But I WILL give her the scarf thing. European or not, friend, a man in pashmina is unacceptable.

So Malek and his pashmina go out to the balcony to wait for Tanya. He hopes that she will join him out there so that can give this whole dating thing a shot. I'm not worried about this one because he's super cute and so is she PLUS they had great chemistry in the darkroom. Then, to my horror, I see the FRONT DOOR open and Tanya walks out, leaving poor Malek up on the balcony!

WHAT??

I just don't get it when they have such great chemistry in the darkroom and they are actually good looking and yet they STILL choose to walk away! It just doesn't make sense to me. As Tanya walks away she says that she has learned that looks are important but not as far as whether someone is good looking or bad looking.

HUH?

Then Dion goes onto the balcony and waits to see if Lisa will come out there. The camera goes from balcony door to front door and I start chewing on my pillow. Then Lisa comes out the balcony door. I'm so relieved! And so is Dion - he wonders aloud what the international word for "WHEW!" is.

Ummmmm, Dion - I think that IS the international word . . .

What would I do without this show??