Tuesday, June 30, 2009

In Memoriam . . .

I have some terrible news. It's about our friends in the Creepy Little Village. Have you read that post yet? If not, go read it now - just click here. Don't worry, we'll wait for you.

Ok, now that you're back, let me tell you my news. You might need to sit down for this . . .

THEY PAINTED OVER THE MURAL!!!!

That's right . . . ALL of our friends are gone! No more village pervert. No more slopey shoulders boy. No more creepy ring girl . . . they have been obliterated by a callous hand and a can of Kilz. Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but I feel responsible for the fate of my little disproportionate friends. Did someone show the owner my blog post? I don't know! What I DO know is that I can never show my face in there again!!! And that's a real shame because I love their fajitas . . .

Luckily I was in Rico's just a couple of weeks before the genocide occurred and got some more pictures of some of the characters that I had missed the first time around. Since you'll never be able to see them in person, I want to introduce them to you now . . .

First, meet a lady I like to call "Five o'clock Shadow lady" or "Testosterone Teresa":

Now, I'm gonna admit something to you: I was jealous of this lady when I first saw her. I mean, she's got a mustache bigger than Burt Reynolds' and a left shoulder that appears to be on steroids, and some guy is STILL buying her a drink at the bar. What does she have that I don't have? Is it something in her eyes? In her voice? In her enormous stature? . . .
Good Lord, she's huge! Did you notice the size of her head? I'd be buying her a drink, too. And hoping she doesn't head butt me.

Now call me shallow, but my jealousy of this gigantic, mustache-y woman subsided when I took a better look at her suitor. I like to call him "Pig Hoof Man":
What's going on with that right hand? And what an unfortunately short thumb he has . . . it's a little disconcerting and a bit repulsive. Come to think of it, I'm surprised this man HASN'T hit on me before.

But, believe it or not, the strange attraction between these two people is not the best part of this part of the mural. The bar they are standing by really steals the show . . .
How are those things not sliding off? I think the artist missed class on the day they taught dimension. And art.

Another villager you need to know about it the Butterfly Tamer:
You can't see it in his picture, but she's surrounded by about a hundred butterflies. But I'm concerned that she might be allergic to them and that it's causing the left side of her cheek to swell. I'm sure it's just temporary, though. But if it's permanent, maybe they can use some of the extra tissue in the cheek to even out her boobs.

Finally, meet "Double Butt Boy."
Now, I'm usually an eye girl but I just can't help staring at this guy's butt. It's mesmerizing. Here's the close-up . . .
It's like two full butts, isn't it? That or it's a growth of some sort. Either way, I can't look away. You can't either, can you? He can't take HIS eyes away from something, either. What is it?

I wish I could ask Double Butt Boy what he's so fascinated with. If he were looking at a picture of his butt, I'd understand. And I'd be standing right there with him. But he's looking at some sort of religious depiction and I don't get it. The top part appears to be the Virgin Mary (I'm not sure but it's a good guess, don't you think?) but what's underneath Mary? It looks like a little boy in a red t-shirt holding her up and he seems QUITE out of place. Strange. I think I'll call it "Our Lady of the Creepy Village and Little Tomas From Down The Street."

Can I just say what we're all thinking? This artist was hitting the margaritas a little too hard while painting this mural.

So that's it. That's all I got of the creepy little village at Rico's. I haven't been back there yet, but I hear that they are painting a new mural in its place. I can't wait to see what wonderful new characters await me there. I'll have get in there soon to take a look.

As soon as I come up with a good disguise . . .

7 comments:

The Queen of my Domain said...

OMG!! Cracking up! When you "pan" out from Testosterone Teresa and her beau to the table, I almost lost it! The table and your comments there were too much.....hysterical! He was absent for depth lessons...and art!! GREAT!

Diana said...

Cracking up about the butterfly tamer. Its like the whole left side of her body is swole up. Cheek, boob, and arm.

Erin said...

I LOVE teste theresa...I've taken to calling her that for short because then I can sing Teste The-RESA, to the tune of Dirty Diana. It's the least I can do to honor the King of Pop, right? Oh and I'm pretty sure double butt boy is just a tucker with one butt. I'm sorry.

Joley said...

Maybe double-butt boy is actually dealing with a significant case of hemorrhoids. Who are we to judge?

Ms. E said...

Catherine, I think you should visit Rico's proudly, and take total credit for the revision.

Christi said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dear!!! This is just as funny as the original creepy viallge... I'm laughing so hard I just got in trouble at work. Nice. Seriously... double butt boy.. hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Randi said...

Bahahahaha! Laughing hysterically!!! You crack me up. I think my favorite is the little boy in the red t-shirt under the religious figure. What IS he doing there? Seems wrong to me... ;-)