Monday, June 15, 2009

UP and down . . .

Well, I'm in trial again this week, folks! Unfortunately, that means that Bad Hair Day Monday will have to become Bad Hair Day Tuesday . . . I should have more time tomorrow to scan in all the bad pics for your viewing enjoyment! Soooooooooo, in the meantime, allow me to tell you this little story . . .

Last week, while preparing for my LAST trial, my niece Savannah IM'd me on facebook. She's six now and just finished kindergarten so she's not really what one might call a "fast" typist. In fact, with her, it really is not INSTANT messaging at all - it's more like EVENTUAL messaging. But the whole thing was so cute . . . and I was able to get a LOT of work done in between messages.

In our "EM"s (see how I incorporated my eventual messaging thing there? Keep up, people . . .) we decided to go see a movie on Saturday - either Night at the Museum 2 or UP because they both looked SO funny and we love funny movies. Saturday rolled around and she decided that she wanted to go see UP so my sister, her two kids, my mom, and I met up at the theater. We walked in - loaded down with popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, drinks, and napkins galore - and sat down in the seats my mom had saved for us. The lights went down and the movie started.

And so did the career of Savannah Ebert.

For those of you who don't know, UP is a Pixar movie about an old man who is befriended by a slightly annoying but endearing young boy scout who wins the old man over. That's what we knew going into it. The movie starts off in black and white and shows the old man as a young boy watching film of his hero flying off in a zeppelin in search of adventure. At this point, Savannah is over the whole thing. She scrunches up her face in disgust and proclaims loudly, "This is a bad movie. I mean, it's all black and gray even." Tough audience.

Then the young version of the old man meets his future wife and Pixar sums up their life together through a series of clips of them throughout the years. The two of them at their wedding. The two of them painting their mailbox. Building their house. Decorating their house. Laying on the grass, watching clouds take shape. Watching clouds turn into babies. Painting their nursery. In the doctor's office while the doctor gives them bad news and they hang their heads in sadness. And then painting over their nursery.

What the heck kind of movie is this???

Savannah says loudly, as if explaining this to the less sophisticated viewers within earshot "he doesn't want to be her husband anymore." My mom, not wanting her to get the wrong idea of this happily married couple, swallows her popcorn quickly and explains, "No, the doctor is telling them . . . ummmmmm . . . that . . . ummmmm . . . [suddenly, my mom doesn't want to have to explain this to a six year old in the middle of a movie theater but she's in it now and she can't get out] . . . they lost their baby." Savannah screws up her face again in a "what the heck?" expression and looks back at the screen as the life in pictures continues.

The two of them growing old. Walking up a hill to have a picnic and look at clouds together again. Cleaning the house. Him buying tickets for them to go to the place she's always wanted to go. Her collapsing on a hillside. Her in the hospital. And him at her funeral.

SERIOUSLY??? I WANT A FREAKIN' REFUND!!

Savannah is apparently processing all this information at the same time I am because she says loudly but calmly: "Well, this is a horrible movie. I should have picked Night at the Museum 2."

Then the man beats a young guy over the head with his cane and causes him to bleed. The police come to arrest him and then you see him in court. The consequence for his assault? He has to move out of the house he built with his wife and move into a retirement home.

The movie has been on less than 15 minutes and I'm already trying to cut my wrists with a sharp popcorn kernel.

When the retirement home folks come to pick him up, he unleashes a gazillion balloons that carry his house away with him in it. While he's flying in the air, his house gets into a storm cloud and is knocked around pretty badly. All of his precious mementos of his life with his wife start flying all around and breaking and he's trying frantically to catch them all. Savannah shakes her head and says, "Man, it's a hard life without his wife." And then goes on to remind us that this is a horrible movie.

The old man encounters problem after problem in trying to re-locate his house and Savannah finally exclaims, "Well, none of this would have happened if he had just NOT hit that guy in the head! This is just a bad movie . . ."

It eventually picked up a LITTLE bit. I mean, there were some funny parts but it really was kind of a downer movie over all. Luckily we had my mom with us so she took the opportunity afterward to cheer us all up by telling Savannah (in a chipper voice, no less), "That's how I feel without Grandpa!"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then she went to submit her resume with the writers at Pixar . . .

So that's my little review of UP - what a terribly misleading title. You may like it more than Savannah or I did. But, I'll tell you this . . . if Pixar comes out with a movie called "DOWN," count me out.

5 comments:

Nora said...

I love laughing just before going to sleep!! That was the most down "up" movie I ever saw. I was ready to slit my wrists and that was all before the old geezer lost his house!

Diana said...

Wow, I'm sad just reading your blog and I haven't even seen the movie yet.

ellen said...

Okay, so only the Palmores could take a downer of a movie and make it hilarious! I'm glad to see that Savannah is on top of things. Thank her for the review; I will now avoid this movie!

Erin said...

I'm cracking up all over again! That was hilarious. And let's not forget the super uplifting short right before it with the storm cloud. It was a one two punch

The Queen of my Domain said...

Hysterical!! Savannah Sue, I felt the SAME way!! Thankfully we didn't have Dearsie's ultra sad commentary to add to our screening!