Friday, June 26, 2009

People really buy this stuff?

Today we spent the afternoon in Fredericksburg, walking around Main Street and checking out the local shops. We found one antique shop that really set itself apart. And by "set itself apart" I mean "scared the bejeezus out of us." After walking around for just a few minutes, we determined that we'd rather spend the night in a graveyard than get locked in that store overnight. It was such a strange collection of things no one would ever buy and I wished that I had you all there with me. So, since you WEREN'T there, let me give you a tour of this lovely establishment and some of its terrifying items/lovely antiques for your home or office . . .

First, meet the twins . . .
and their cousin . . .
Sure these things are right out of a Stephen King novel. Sure they may come alive at night, sing haunting melodies, and do malicious things to anyone or anything that happens to cross their paths. But they would look GREAT in your home.

Next, meet the twins' latest victim . . .


This "antique" just screams "Fredericksburg." Actually, I think it probably screams "HELP! The twins have my torso!" but let's not argue that point. What we should focus on is how great this would look as a coat rack right inside your front door. You should totally get it.

Next, we have the life-size Mary and Jesus . . .

I hope the Lord forgives me for saying this but . . . if you're not decorating a church, this would just be a strange buy. I'm not saying any more than that because I still need to get home safely.

Another item available for purchase is this nice stuffed wolf: Notice the bared teeth. This is nature at its finest, friends.

Next, we have a cubby of hooves from various animals . . .
It doesn't matter if your decor is traditional or contemporary, dismemberment transcends all decorative styles. And think of all the ways you can use these: back-scratchers, pointers, page-turners, or even fly-swatters. Seriously, you should get one.

Next, we have a horse with a crazed look in his eye.

Sure it's possible that this thing comes alive at night, too. But isn't that a risk you'd be willing to take for something that looks as loveable as this little guy?

Among its decorative items, this store also has antique light fixtures. Well, they're not so much "antique light fixtures" as they are "fixtures that someone hung an antique from." Case in point: the ever-popular "cheese grater" light . . .


or the "what do I do with all these burned-out light bulbs" light . . .

This store also had literature in the form of antique books:
Man, they just don't have creative titles anymore like they used to, do they?

And we found a tapestry that had a picture on it that I like to call "Dark Days on the Frontier."

Seriously - what is this guy doing? And why did someone think this would make a lovely tapestry to hang in your home?

Finally, we have an antique gynecologist chair . . .
Because what good host doesn't want to offer his guests some stirrups?

After we left that store, we went to the Five and Dime where we discovered some exciting news:
Now, I have no idea what Blue Waltz perfume is but it apparently has been hard to find. Perhaps there had been a shortage? I don't know. We found some bottles of this apparently precious commodity over by the register:

Looks amazing, doesn't it? And it's only $3.99 - what a steal! If anyone wants me to pick some up for you, let me know . . . I know where to get it.

So that was our day in Fredericksburg. We walked away with no antiques and with no Blue Waltz perfume and I think we are going to regret that for the rest of our lives.

But at least I got some good ideas on what to do with my cheese grater.

4 comments:

ellen said...

How did you NOT buy the Blue Waltz perfume??? It looks like it smells fabulous--very classy.

The Queen of my Domain said...

That was "grate"!! Hysterical.....loved the missing torso & the hooves part! Please go antique shopping again!:)

Ms. E said...

I can't believe you didn't buy the perfume, just because. I mean, what a souvenier of your time spent in Fredericksburg?

Nora said...

This blog entry is right up there with Ricos! I've read it several times and laugh harder each time!