Saturday, May 2, 2009

Hip Hop Abs . . . teaching me humility.

So I've started doing Hip Hop Abs. Stop laughing.

It's a video taught by this guy named Shaun T. and his whole theory is that you can have rock-hard abs with his "Tilt, Tuck, & Tighten" move and without ever doing a single sit up. Sounds promising, right? I mean, I definitely do NOT have Hip Hop abs at this point. I have more like "flip flop" abs . . . because they flip and flop, not because they look like a pair of flip flops. That would be a situation too dire for even my guy Shaun T . . .

ANYWAY, I popped in the video to give it a shot and was immediately grateful that my roommates weren't home. This video has proven to me, definitively, that I am decidedly white. I have no rhythm. I guess I have fooled myself all these years because I can sing, can clap on beat (unlike my mom . . .), and can two-step. But I now know - without question - that I do not have a rhythmic bone in my body.

So let me tell you how this whole Tilt, Tuck, & Tighten thing works. You stand there and you roll your shoulders forward while also rolling your pelvis forward and then you tighten your abs. Then you put your shoulders back, your butt back, and kind of arch your back. You should try it . . . pick a beat and just go to town, back and forth. You start to think "This is a breeze. This is all I need to do for good abs? I'm gonna go buy some skinny jeans." Then he tells you to walk toward him . . . this is when things go downhill for me. When I try to TTT WHILE walking, there are bones in my hips and back that separate unnaturally and my right leg starts to do something that resembles a violent spasm or epileptic seizure, like I'm suddenly trying to kick something. Why only my right leg? I would love to know. Then while I'm trying to get the walking down, he has me start throwing a jump or two in there. The leg spasms begin to escalate and I find myself standing there confused and acutely embarrassed. It really has made me want to verify the quality of my blinds . . .

So right now I'm not feeling it in my abs as much I'm feeling it in my dignity. But I'm gonna keep working on it and see if I can get the best abs in town, one leg spasm at a time.

I'll keep ya posted!!

10 comments:

Alana said...

so, yesterday i laughed so hard at your blog that i made dustin read it too-
we laughed on and on and talked about how funny you are-
today, after reading this entry, i called dustin at work- and read him about TTT- he just laughed the whole time---

Catherine said...

Yay!! That makes me smile!! We'll see if I can keep thinking of things to talk about . . . :)

ellen said...

This sounds eerily similar to my experience with BodyJam at the gym. An hour long dance class where they teach you 2 different routines and you sweat buckets. Unfortunately, it's mostly hip hop, and let's just say that my so called "friends" got more of a workout laughing at me attempting some of those moves than they did from the dancing!

Andy said...

Are you alone when this is all unfolding? I picturing this and it's a lot funnier imagining several people in the room performing the art of TTT.

Starshine said...

Can you say "heeeeeeeeeeey"!? Rock on with your hh abs, Catchy!

Jill said...

Ohmygosh! I just got a HORRIBLE case of the giggles. I was just laughing until I cried like that time we saw each other driving opposite directions on I-45. I'm just sitting here wiping my eyes and laughing uncontrollably. Can I pleeeeeeeease come over and do hip hop abs with you? Pleeeeease?

Nora said...

This made me laugh so hard. It reminded me of the time I was trying to learn how to reconfigure my body parts in order to dance/exercise to Richard Simmon's Sweatin' To The Oldies. But even after I purchased some red and white short shorts and a little tank top to match his, I wss still just an uncoordinated oldie sweatin'! You are too funny Cat!

Ms. E said...

sounds like the time I tried to do the salsa-dance workout. Popped that DVD out after about 10 minutes, and it's collecting dust along with all of the others.

The Queen of my Domain said...

I am CRACKING up! It was funny enough, but when you get to the part where you have to walk at the same time........can you say Depends???!!!!:)

Anonymous said...

I get a belly work out from laughing hard at your blog. Its really hard to imagine someone so funny being a lawyer. Ann W