Thursday, May 7, 2009

Street Cred

In my job, I've learned lots of new words and expressions that are really helping to increase my street cred (which was just slightly decreased by the fact that I just accidentally typed street "credibility" . . . ). Here's what I learned yesterday:

1. Throwed off = Crazy. As in: "She was throwed off."
2. Jammed up = in trouble. As in: "They got her all jammed up."
3. Burn off = take off. As in: "We saw them coming so we burned off."
4. Out the game = to the extreme. As in: "They were dressed straight country out the game."

My new goal is to try to incorporate these words into conversation as often as possible. I think this will also help to improve my street cred, which is admittedly decreased by the fact that I'm actively planning to use these words in conversation . . .

My job also takes me to wonderful and exotic places. Today it took me to a shady part of San Antonio. As I drove into the neighborhood, I was immediately glad that I had such great new lingo to help me blend in a bit more. I was also glad that I have been improving my moves with Hip Hop Abs. I mean, with moves named "Flava Jam", it HAS to be increasing my street cred, right? They'd never know I was from the 'burbs . . .

We pulled up to the clinic where we'd be doing our deposition and determined it was straight ghetto out the game. (+1 street cred point). After looking around, we reviewed our "no man left behind" policy (-1 street cred point) and exchanged our lists of next of kin. We got out of the car and started unloading our stuff when we were approached by a Sheriff who was posted outside the door of the clinic. He asked if we were there for the deposition and then informed us that he had saved us a parking spot so that "no one will hit your car and stuff." I'm sorry - what? (-1 street cred point).

So I moved the car (-1 street cred point) and we went in to start the deposition. I walked in and noticed the sign that said "Fire ExtinGUSHer Inside"(-1 for unconsciously spell-checking things). Pretty quickly into the deposition we learned that the clinic we were in was a methodone clinic. (+1 for being in such a place). I suddenly found myself wondering if my new lingo would impress the heroin addicts there at all or if I needed a totally different set of new phrases. (-1 for being too excited about being in such a place). But, really, why would anyone choose to have a deposition there? Whoever it was must be throwed off . . . (+1 street cred point).

I sat through the deposition and listened to the witness say things like "I don't mean to beat a dead dog" and "he wanted to make him his b%$&@." (-1 for actually chuckling out loud when he said that.) It was a REALLY long deposition and I found myself pounding mint mentos (-1 for actually eating Mentos) to help the time go by. I admired a poster on the wall that read "Pot mayk me stoopid." (-1 for thinking it was a cute poster). Luckily, we finished before dark. (-1 for being worried about that). The doctor we were deposing commented on how it was good that we were finished before dark because it's not a good neighborhood. "Oh, really? I hadn't noticed." Then we loaded the car back up and burned off before we got jammed up. (+2 street cred point).

Oh, I do love my job!!

6 comments:

The Queen of my Domain said...

Okay, think this one is my FAVE!!! I'm cracking up at it all, but LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the self-scoring! Would love to "learn" more street words from you. Too hysterical! :)

Nora said...

This whole article was dope, yo?

Christen said...

Mrs. Palmore never have I been more impressed with you!

Anonymous said...

its Sunday!!! did you forget about your blog? lol

Matt Pemberton said...

Catchy, all you need now is a couple of neck tats, some ice, a blunt, and a few cold 40's and you will be off the hizzle fo shizzle. (Call me if you need an interpretation :-)

Ms. E said...

You rock Catchy!