Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Names. I want names.

I should probably never be a politician because, if elected, I would lobby to have stupid commercials made punishable by death. It's a pretty radical opinion, I admit, but I feel pretty strongly about it. I don't know how some of these commercial ideas actually make it through to production. How many people had to approve it before the director yells "ACTION!"?? I'm telling you, there's just not enough accountability, people . . . someone should be made to pay.

Case in point . . .the Burger King commercials with the scary king guy. You know which ones I'm talking about? Like the one where the guy wakes up in bed and the king is sitting next to him with a sausage and egg biscuit? Or the one where the king is swinging on a swing while scantily clad women surround him? What happened in that marketing brainstorming session? I would accept "we were high" as an excuse but then my next question would be "how did this make it past the marketing executives?" The latest commercial produced from these folks is the one with the "King Ons" where TWO scary king guys appear in a guy's living room, freeze his dog, and steal his girlfriend and Burger King drinking glass. Honestly, I find myself angry after one of these commercials. Angry and slightly frightened. It has ACTUALLY turned me off of Burger King. The death penalty . . . it's not so crazy, is it?

I saw a new commercial tonight for a personal injury lawyer named DJ something. It starts off with him saying "You're the victim" and then talking about how he can help you with whatever your injury is. He then says "I'll work hard until I hear you say . . ." and then a client pops on the screen and I can SWEAR he says "DAMN! I got me a good lawyer!" I LITERALLY shake my head in disbelief, stare hard at the TV, and wish I could see it again. As if by divine intervention, the commercial repeats - DJ has apparently paid for back-to-back slots. I watch - and listen - more carefully. Again, he says "I'll work hard until I hear you say . . ." and then a different client pops onto the screen and says (MUCH more clearly than the last guy) "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN I got me a good lawyer!" Seriously . . . who let him think that was a good idea?? The best part about it is that the lawyer is ULTRA serious. I think if that's the slogan you go with, you need to have a little personality in your commercial. Otherwise, all I come away with is DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN that guy's boring.

I also saw a new Nationwide Insurance commercial that is just NOT well thought-out. It's one of those commercials with an "actual" representative talking about the company. I didn't memorize the script but this is my best reproduction of what the guy said: "I don't mind complaints because if people aren't giving us feedback, we'll never know something is wrong. If we don't know it's wrong, we can't fix it. Complaints really help us grow. If I get a complaint, I know that there's an opportunity for me to make a customer happy. I don't look at complaints as a failure. I look at them as an opportunity to improve. Getting a complaint does not ruin my day, it helps me to focus my efforts." Who thought this was a good marketing idea? All I learned about Nationwide in that commercial is that this guy gets a LOT of complaints and, apparently, no one has fired him yet.

So who is writing these things? I want names. Even better, they should have to list their names and addresses at the bottom of the screen so that we can find them and riot outside their homes. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that information would help me narrow my search when I get my Commercial Death Penalty bill passed after I'm elected to office. Until then, I'm gonna have to satisfy myself with my own righteous indignation here in my living room.

Well, friends, it's past my bedtime so I'm going to bed and will likely dream of a scary king guy who keeps yelling "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN I hate my Nationwide Insurance adjuster!"

Someone must pay . . .

9 comments:

The Queen of my Domain said...

Oh, man, you could fuel blog after blog with bad, stupid, inane, "what the ...?" commercials! Let me know when you decide to run for office......you already have my vote! And I'm also with you in that
I'm turned off of Burger King......they had to apologize for one of those. :)

Ms. E said...

I wouldn't want BK to think their advertising dollars were well spent either.

ellen said...

You've got to figure out who this DJ lawyer is, because I think I need to see if I can find his commercial on youtube or somewhere else. I can't wait to share that one!

Nora said...

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn I found a good blogger!

Erin said...

Nice one Dearsie. I'm sorry, but I actually like the Burger King commercials!! Especially the ones where they are doing the beyonce butt dance that I once attempted and ended up with a torn ACL. C'mon...they are funny! Next, you are going to tell me you don't like the Jack in the Box mini sirloin burger commercials!

Joley said...

All I can say is, when you finish with the ad execs at Burger King, feel free to start on the ones that produce the pancake commercials with the octopus banana sitting on the pancakes. And I quote, "They call me NANNERPUS NANNERPUS! And I like pancakes!" It sickens me, yet draws me in.

Catherine said...

Joley, I'm cracking UP and I've never seen that commercial. Unless I've repressed the memory of it, which is entirely possible. Who the heck came up with THAT idea??? Hilarious!

Diana said...

I KNEW Joley would comment on that nannerpuss commercial. It gets in your head Catchy and you can't get it out. I mean Joley and I rewound that thing like 10 times just to watch his fake eye pop off when his fake tentacles (whew good thing I didn't mispell that!) were flopping about with strings attached... yes I said strings..... Serioulsy Denny's or Ihop has to come up with something better. I can't even remember where I am supposed to go eat those pancakes!!
Ok about the BK King. MY BROTHER IS SCARED OF THAT GUY! And THAT cracks me up!!

Diana said...

ok seriesouly I didn't spell check everything. Don't you judge me!