Thursday, May 14, 2009

FLUSH already!!!

Have you ever used a toilet that just doesn't have much flush power? You know, the ones that you flush and then you just have to sit there and watch the toilet paper circle the bowl until the tank fills back up so you can try flushing it again. I HATE toilets like that.

Unfortunately, the toilet at my office is a feeble flusher. The other day, I went to the bathroom at work after downing a Route 44 water from Sonic. I flushed the toilet and started washing my hands. Before I left, I noticed that there was still toilet paper in the bowl so I flushed it again. I stood there and watched helplessly as the paper circled the bowl defiantly, as if it were saying "You're not the boss of me." Suddenly, I had to win. I had to teach the toilet who was boss. So I flushed once more, this time with passion. My whole body weight went into it and I held the handle down as if I were somehow opening some floodgate somewhere and just had to give it enough time for the water to make it through. That time I was victorious - the bowl was free of toilet paper and I was free to return to more important tasks . . . like my job.

As I started to open the door, I began to panic. How many people just heard me flush three times? What are they thinking right now? Immediately, my mind started brainstorming damage control ideas but all I could come up with is going into a nearby office and starting up a conversation that would no doubt go like this:

"Man. Did you hear me flush the toilet like THREE TIMES? Crazy. That toilet is CRAZY. I mean, I just had a big water but . . . you know . . . I haven't eaten in like 3 days so . . . just drinking a lot of water and stuff . . .I'm just . . . that toilet paper just would NOT go down. What kind do we use? I wonder if we should stop buying that kind . . . it's really buoyant . . . it's just . . . you should try it. It's CRAZY."

So I just opted to walk quickly back to my office with my head hung, not make eye contact with anyone, and hope no one knew it was me.

I HATE toilets like that!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

what I hate is the fact that I clog the toilet all the time- not because of a tremendous amount of waste material- but rather because I don't know how to conserve toilet paper. I cant use just ONE square-
So I inevitably have to use the plunger at least once a week..

The Queen of my Domain said...

LOL!! Been there, done that!! :) Actually, we probably have all been there.

Tracy said...

Yesterday, while talking to a friend, my flip flop made a farting noise, and I had to stop the conversation and say, "Oh, that was totally my shoe!"

Lame.