Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Dumb . . . and dumber.

I got home this evening after a day in trial and I flopped down on the couch. I picked up my remote and turned my television on. When I turn on my cable, it automatically turns to Channel 2 regardless of what channel I had it on when I turned it off. Channel 2 is a local channel that airs lots of infomercials and lots of shows like Cheaters, Judge Hatchett, and Street Court - you know, the intellectual black-hole type shows. For some reason, my cable occasionally gets stuck on Channel 2 for a few minutes when I first turn it on. So I have to wait before I can access the other channels. Most of the time, it's no big deal - I just wait a few minutes and then change the channel. But OTHER times, I get sucked into an infomercial and find myself thinking that I really do need the Magic Bullet, or the Ab Circle, or the Sham-Wow, or the Total Gym so I can work out just like Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley do. And more often than I'd like to admit, I get sucked into an episode or two of Cheaters.

That happened to me today. And my IQ dropped about 10 points.

You know, when you watch television regularly, you really get a shocking reality check about how dumb some people in the world are. I mean, there are some REALLY dumb people out there . . . and somehow they get television coverage. How do they manage that?? I saw a couple of those people on Channel 2 tonight and it reminded me that I haven't shared some of my favorite "Dumb People on TV" moments. So here you go . . .

[From a woman on the news] "She died very instantly." Oh, what a relief - I HATE hearing about long, drawn-out instant deaths.

[From a girl on Big Brother]: "He got off scotch free." Yeah, but did he get off VODKA-free. That's the real question.

[From that same girl on Big Brother]: "All hell's gonna hit the fan." Well . . . I guess that's better than all sh** breaking loose . . .?

[From a girl who was caught cheating on Cheaters . . .] "What did I learn about cheating? I learned that it's not worth it. And that if you're gonna cheat, you should do it right. Back track everything because someone's probably watching you." Weeeeeeeeell, at least you learned a good moral lesson.

[From a paternity test case on Judge Hatchett . . .] "Joe says that he smokes a lot of marijuana and wears very tight underwear so he cannot be the father of the baby." Really? REALLY, Joe?? On national television, Joe?? You know what - I'm rootin' for ya. I hope you're NOT the father because we do NOT need your contribution to the gene pool. Keep wearing those small undies, bud . . .

[From a guy on the news] "We're pretty much at our last straw." Okay, buddy - that's just the wit's end that broke the camel's back . . .


Aren't you so glad that you're smart?

Aaaaaand that you're not on TV?

4 comments:

Emma said...

Good ones, Catch!!

Amy Daniel said...

I saw an interview where the woman said, "I thought the man was dead. They was givin' him UPS." Not kidding.

Ms. E said...

Priceless. And to think we can get the highlights from you, without having to waste our own brain cells! Thanks for the sacrifice Catherine.

Catherine said...

Amy, that's awesome. I heard a lady on tv say once: "Y'all should have seen me before. I've changed a lot - I've did a complete 24/7." Can't believe I forgot that one!!