Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A brutally honest Mother's Day.

My niece Emma and my nephew Ben were in a program at their church this Sunday so we started our Mother's Day at their church, sitting front and center and ready to watch them perform. The whole family was there and we had the first three rows saved for all of us - yes, we're that family. When my sister Erin and her husband arrived, their kids ran over to us and greeted all the moms in our group with big hugs and an effusive "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!" It was really sweet.

Until they turned to me . . .

Savannah: Catchy, I didn't tell you "Happy Mother's Day" because you're not a mom.
Catchy: Oh - okay.
Avery: I know. You're like not even a mom. Because you don't have ANY kids.
Catchy: Ooooooookay . . .

Wow. Someone needs to get these kids into sensitivity training STAT.

The worship music started pretty soon after that and Savannah came and sat between me and my mom. The music they were playing had a good beat so the entire church was clapping to the beat . . . eeeeeeeeexcept my mom, of course. All you could hear was one big loud clap from the congregation as a whole, followed by one little, lone clap from my mom: CLAP [clap] CLAP [clap] CLAP. So I focused my attention on her and helped her get on the beat, which is WAY harder than it really should be. When the music stopped, the pastor acknowledged all the mothers in the service and had them all stand up so that everyone could clap for them. That, of course, led to additional commentary from Savannah:

Pastor: I'd like all the mothers in the room to stand up so that we can give you a big hand.
[Mothers around the room stand up to be recognized . . .]
Savannah: [Looking up at me] Pooooooooor Catchy. I bet everyone here thinks you can stand up . . . but you can't. [Then, as if to help me fully understand . . .] Because you're not even a mom.


The kids did their programs and they were AMAZING. I was so proud of them!! After the service, we made our way into the front foyer, where there were people handing out candy-filled koozies to those of us who were leaving. A lady handed me two koozies and Savannah, thinking that they were really just intended for mothers, looked up at me and said excitedly and as if we had gotten away with something: "Catchy - she gave you TWO and she didn't even know that you're not even a MOM!!"

I think my uterus flipped her off at that point.

So I decided that we need to have an official "Aunt's Day." But, since my sisters are aunts, too, and I really just want it to be MY day, we decided that we should make the new holiday more exclusive and call it something like "Single Aunt's Day" or "Barren Aunt's Day" or "Shriveling Uterus Day." You know - something catchy like that . . .

Those kids are hilarious. They are so innocent in their honesty and I love it . . . it never fails to crack me up.

But it's a good thing that I'm content with my life right now or Mother's Day could have ended in a tragic murder-suicide . . .


Phyllis Eddings said...

If you really, really, really want to be a mom, I'll give you one of mine.

Of course, my youngest is turning 18 on Sunday, so you wouldn't have to do much raisin'.


Dan Savoie said...

Didn't she have a bug on her forehead that you needed to swat?

Unknown said...

catherine anne. I'm DYING.. The Clap clap part was HILARIOUS!! OH MOMZA. Oh and the uterus flipping her off made me laugh out loud too.


Anonymous said...

It's cool Catchy, I got mother's day gifts at church and at lunch after...AND one of my student's wished me happy mother's day..poor fella, and I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't a mom!!
:0) Mel

Anonymous said...

Seriously LOVE this line:
"I think my uterus flipped her off at that point."

~Mary D