Friday, May 21, 2010

Customer service at its best.

A few weeks ago, I was having some problems with my cable so a technician came out to see what was wrong. He determined that the actual cable that connects my house to the Comcast box behind my house was bad. So he replaced it for me and got the picture on my television back in shape. The only problem was that he wasn't able to bury the new cable so he had to leave it just running through my back yard. But he told me that he'd put a work order in to have someone come out and bury it for me so it was no big deal.

Unfortunately, no one ever came.

I recently had my backyard landscaped and when I met with Gustavo (bestill my beating heart) to get a quote on the landscaping, I noticed that the cable was still there. So I called Comcast to see if they could send someone out to bury it before we started with the yard work. And by "we" I mean Gustavo and his muscles . . .

ANYWAY, the phone call to Comcast was such an experience that I just had to share it with y'all:

[Ring ring . . .]

Automated system: Thank you for calling Comcast. Para espanol, marque numero dos.

[long pause while I don't marque numero dos]

Automated system: Please enter your telephone number.

Me: [Why do they make me do this? They're just gonna ask me for it again when they answer the phone. So pointless. But okay - I'll play along . . . (entered number)]

Automated system: Thank you. Our next available customer service representative will be with you shortly.

Customer Service Lady: Thank you for calling Comcast. My name is Teresa. Can you please verify the phone number on your account?

Me: [Aaaaaaand there it is.] Sure. It's . . . [gave phone number again]

CSL: Thank you. And how can I help you today?

Me: Well, one of your guys came out to fix my cable and he had to replace the actual cable line that runs from your main cable box to my house. He wasn't able to bury it so he left it laying in my backyard and said that he was going to send someone else out to bury it. But no one has come back out so I just have this cable running through the grass. And the problem is that I'm getting my yard landscaped so I'd like for it be buried before they start working in my yard.

CSL: Okaaaaaay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okaaaaaay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okay. For security purposes, can you verify the last 4 digits of your social security number?

Me: [Seriously? Is someone really going to pose as me and ask the cable company to come bury my cable? Is this really a security threat?] Sure. It's . . . [last 4 digits].

CSL: Okaaaaay. Thank you. [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . .

Me: [Wow. She's reeeeeeeeeally typing there, isn't she? She must be typing down what I just told her . . .]

CSL: Okay. [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . Okay, now tell me again what happened?

Me: [Wait - seriously? Then what was she just typing?] I need my cable buried. One of your technicians had to fix my cable and he left the new cable line unburied in my backyard. So I just need you to send someone out to fix it.

CSL: Okaaaaaaay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okaaaaaay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okaaaaay. Soooooo . . . I guess what you're saying iiiiiiiiiiis . . . [click click click click click click click click click click] . . . that you need someone to come bury the cable?

Me: [I wonder how it would feel to jab this pencil in my eye?] Yes, ma'am.

CSL: Okaaaaay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okay. And how did the cable get exposed?

Me: [Is it too late for me to marque numero dos?] One of your technicians had to replace the cable line because the old one was bad. And he said he was going to send someone out to bury it but it's been a couple of weeks and no one has come out. So I just need someone to come bury it for me.

CSL: Okay. [click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okay. [pause] Okay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click] . . . so you need someone to replace the cable?

Me: [OH . . . MY . . . G-] No, ma'am. It's been replaced. I just need someone to bury it.

CSL: Okay. [click click click click click click click click click click] . . . okay . . . okay . . . [mouse click mouse click]. I'm just gonna put you on hold for a second.

Me: Okay.

[whereupon commenced a small eternity sitting on hold]

CSL: Okay. [click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click]. Please hold again.

[another small eternity passed, allowing me to contemplate sticking my head in my oven and turning on the gas]

CSL: Okay . . . ma'am?

Me: Yes?

CSL: Ma'am?

Me: Yes? Can you hear me?

CSL: Ma'am . . .?

Me: [Oh dear God. No. NO! Please don't do this to me. Please!!] [with clear panic in my voice . . .] Yes? Can you . . . can you hear me? Can you hear me?

CSL: Oh - now I can. I thought I was talking to myself for a second there.

Me: [courtesy laugh] Oh . . . I know what THAT'S like.

CSL: Okay . . . [click click click click click click click click click click]. Okay, I've put in a work order for one our technicians to come out and bury your cable. That's what you wanted, right?

Me: [I don't . . . it's . . . I just . . . why me, God?] Yes, ma'am.

CSL: Okay. Well, one of our technicians will call you to schedule a time when he can come out and bury it for you.

Me: Great. Thank you so much.

CSL: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Me: [Good LORD no.] No, ma'am.

CSL: Thank you for calling Comcast.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand then two weeks passed before anyone came out to bury the cable. So, in the meantime, Gustavo buried it for me while he was landscaping. Because he's hot like that.

And I didn't even have to verify my social security number for him.

5 comments:

Rebecca said...

OMG! Comcast sounds as bad at AT&T...so much fun talkin to those people. I mean I feel like my 5 year old would be as good at customer service as some of these folks. GEEZ!
AT&T spends days calling me to verify an appointment i do NOT have. I call them back going through the automated system AND speaking to people to tell them they are calling the wrong number and OF COURSE the next day the technician will call to tell me he is on his way. IDIOTS!
what are they typing all that time whiel we are sitting on the phone, are they just updating Facebook or Twitter?
Thanks always for the comic relief!

Christi said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously just shot coffee from my mouth, through my nasal cavity, and on to my computer screen. Thank YOU catchy. Friggin laughed my rear off (as if that were possible).

Morrow Media said...

Girl you are just hilarious! I can tell you, from being someone who worked at an Inbound call center...she was chatting with her friends and/or writing an email. We did a whole lot of NOTHING when we put people on hold too...It was our way of giving ourself our break because the company took them away. And if a customer made us mad, we would always say "I'm going to transfer you to the RLS department, please hold" RLS was on the button that hung up on the call. Good times!

Catherine said...

I KNEW it!! Thanks for the inside scoop, Zach! At first, I kept thinking that maybe I had caught her in the middle of a typing test. But then I started wondering if she was IMing her friends . . . and now I know the truth!

ComcastCares1 said...

Catherine - I work for Comcast and I am sorry for the experience. I'd like to look into this and gather more information based on your experience. I certainly, don’t want any of our customers experiencing this. If you are willing to contact me regarding this, I would greatly appreciate it!

Mark Casem
Comcast Corp.
National Customer Operations
We_can_help@cable.comcast.com