Friday, March 26, 2010

Nora and The Caller

One of my favorite stories about my mom happened a few years ago when she was working as a receptionist at the real estate sales office of a local neighborhood and she got a call from an obscene caller. But the beauty of it - and the reason this story is legend in our family - is that she didn't know it was an obscene phone call . . . she thought it was my cousin David calling to chat. And the result?

Hilarious.

Mom: Carlton Woods, this is Nora, how can I help you?
Guy: Hi, Nora.
Mom: Hi! [cheerfully] Who's this?
Guy: Who do you THINK it is?
Mom: [thinking . . .] David?
Guy: [pauses] . . . YEAH. [probably gearing up to do his best heavy breathing but . . .]
Mom: Hi!! How are you?
Guy: [pauses] . . . I'm good.
Mom: Are you still living in Dallas?
Guy: . . . Yeah . . . [about to begin heavy breathing but then . . .]
Mom: How are the girls?
Guy: The girls? . . . They're great!
Mom: Oh that's good to hear. Do you get to see them much?
Guy: Not as much as I'd like to.
Mom: I know that must be hard. So when are you going to come down to see us?
Guy: Well . . . I was thinking about coming soon.
Mom: Are you in Houston now??
Guy: [pauses, perhaps thinking "this is the easiest call I've ever made"] Yep!
Mom: Oh! Well, Charlie's out of town! And I'm at work. But Catherine's home from law school. And I think Tammy might be at the house. She's sick.
Guy: Well, I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to stop by today. I was just calling to tell you that I'm dating someone.
Mom: You are?
Guy: Yep.
Mom: Great! How's it going?
Guy: Pretty good. She's pretty different. She's not like other girls I've dated.
Mom: In what way?
Guy: Well, she likes to try new things . . .
Mom: Oh. Like what? . . . [Warning, Mom! Warning! Get out of there!!]
Guy: Well . . . how old is Catherine now?
Mom: 27.
Guy: 27? Wow. She grew up fast, huh?
Mom: I know.
Guy: Do you think she'd be up for a three-way?
Mom: [frowning and quickly sitting up straight] What?
Guy: A three-way. Do you think Catherine would be up for a three-way?
Mom: [stunned silence, mouth agape]
Guy: She's so pretty. I think it would be pretty hot.
Mom: David, I'm pretty disappointed in you right now. I think I better hang up now.

My poor mom. She hung up the phone still convinced that my cousin David had gone off the deep end she just kept thinking "Charlie is gonna be so mad when he hears how David was talking to me!" Then she happened to share the story with some of the guys she worked with and, after they finished with their fits of hysterical laughter, they told her that it sounded like it was a prank call. And that's when it hit her.

Then she started hyperventilating.

When she got home, she just cried and cried because she had come THIS close to asking him if he wanted directions to the house. She couldn't believe that she had given the guy all the information that he had needed to make it the easiest obscene call of his life. She felt horrified, humiliated, and distraught.

And the rest of us felt sore from laughing so hard.

3 comments:

The Queen of my Domain said...

I never get tired of that one!!

Ms. E said...

Poor Nora! Give her a hug for me.

Jill said...

I wish I could say poor Nora, but honestly, this material is just too good. I had forgotten about this story! I cracked up alllllll over again. Thanks for the reminder! : )