Monday, September 21, 2009

Hangin' out with the kids.

I love spending time with my nieces and nephews. I love listening to them talk because they invariably say and do hilarious things that make me crack up.

Case in point . . . on Friday night, I went to the Highlander football game with Erin and her husband, Matt, and all the kiddos (Erin's and Tammy's). After the game, we had to run by Wal-Mart real quick so I stayed in the car with the kids while Erin ran in. While she was gone, Savannah and my nephew, Ben, had this awesome conversation:

Ben: Catchy, are you a mom?
Savannah: [before I could get an answer out . . .] No, Ben. She's just a regular lady. She's not a mom because she doesn't have any babies. You have to have babies to be a mom. [I could actually FEEL my ovaries getting defensive.]
Ben: Oh.
Savannah: You have to have a husband but she doesn't have a husband.
Ben: Oh.
Savannah: She isn't even married. That's kinda weird.

Awesome. I silently braced myself for what I thought would be the natural progression of her statements, i.e. "She's all by herself. She doesn't have anyone else sleeping in her bed. Her bed is lop-sided because there's no one sleeping on the other side. She doesn't even have cats so she can't even be a weird cat lady. She's gonna die miserable and alone, on a lop-sided bed, without any cats." You know, things of this nature. But, instead, she scrunched up her face and asked me some questions:

S: Catchy, don't you want a husband?
C: Well, sure! Do you think I should get one?
S: Yeah.
C: Why?
S: So you won't be all alone in your house.
C: [Preach it, sistah . . .]
S: Catchy, were you married but then you got divorced?
C: Nope. I was never married.
S: You were just NEVER married?
C. That's right.
S: Like when you were a teenager, you didn't get a man?

Wow. Ummmmmm, Erin - I don't know what you're teaching your daughter but you MIGHT want to talk to her about this at some point . . .

C: Nope. I never did. Isn't that crazy?
S: Yeah. Did you not want one?
C: No, I did! I just never found one.
S: You NEVER did?
C: Right.
S: Oh. Did your mom tell you that you couldn't have one?
C: Nope.
S: Did someone else tell you you couldn't?
C: No, uh-uh.
S: Well, if no one told you that you couldn't, then you CAN.

What great advice from a 6 year old. Savannah, my dear, you are wise beyond your years . . .

Then on Sunday, I took Savannah and Avery to church with me because Erin had a headache. On the way to church, Savannah told me that Avery had wasted a piece of paper by crumbling it up and throwing it away before she even drew anything on it. Avery got very defensive and turned her entire body toward Savannah so that she could adamantly protest this accusation. She raised her voice and said, "SaVANNah! You TOLD me to throw it away. I was only doing what Indians do!"


So I said "What do you mean? What do Indians do? Then she turned toward me and said, just as passionately as she had to Savannah, "They 'rumble paper up and throw it away!" I never knew that about the Indians. But kuddos to Avery for coming up with the perfect argument stopper - when you make it an ethnic thing, it makes it difficult to refute.

After church, the kids wanted to drive with the top down (of my convertible, that is. Although maybe I SHOULD start driving with my "top down" so that I can get Savannah and her "Get a Man" crusade off my back . . .). ANYWAY, we decided that they needed some shades so that the sun wouldn't be too bright for them when the top was down. We also decided that I needed some better music in my car for them. So we went to Target and got some sunglasses and a Hannah Montana CD. As we pulled out of the Target parking lot with "Hoedown Throwdown" blaring from my speakers, I thought about how many cool points I was losing by playing that song. And then I realized that playing the song wasn't what was making me lose the cool points - it was the fact that I was bopping my head and singing along. Well, what can I say? I do love a catchy tune . . .

After Target, we met Erin for lunch at Lupe Tortilla's. The waiter brought our food and we were getting the kids situated with their enchiladas when Savannah suddenly exclaimed: "Man! I haven't had a bath in a LONG time!" Erin looked around, laughing nervously and quietly mouthing "yes she has . . ." I just sat there praying that she didn't start talking loudly about my utter lack of a man again. Although, there IS a cute manager there it wouldn't hurt to drop a hint or two in front of . . .

But I digress.

After lunch, the kids wanted to come back to my house to watch a movie so that's what we did. Then I took Savannah and Avery to Kroger's with me to get some groceries for dinner. They wanted to get one of the grocery carts with the little car on the front end so, of course, that's what we did. They rode in the little car and I pushed them around the store, listening to them yelling at their imaginary kids in their imaginary backseat. They kept telling "Allysa Allison" that she was going to have to go home if she didn't behave. About halfway through our shopping trip, Savannah starts leaning out the side of the car, gesturing impatiently with her arms at some imaginary person in front of us, and shouting "Dude!" It was the first instance of grocery store road rage that I've ever seen. And, friends, it wasn't pretty.

And is it wrong that when I heard her say "Dude!" I looked around to see if it was a SINGLE dude?

That girl's in my head now.


Unknown said...

Oh man, good times good times. What would we do without their hours of entertainment?!! So funny about the getting a man. She is crazy

Emma said...

Tha's hysterical! Nothing slips past Savannah Sue......sounds like y'all had a fun day! :)

Phyllis Eddings said...

They'll get you a man in no time, Catherine. Don't you worry. ROTFLMAO

Unknown said...

Oh Catherine...this story hits a little too close to home :). As you know, I have four little nieces and nephews here, and they love to ask me some of the same questions...nosey little things, aren't they? Recently, I was asked how old I was by Elizabeth. I responded, "44." She said, "You will die WAY before my Daddy." :)

I love to read your blog!

Catherine said...

Daron, that's HILARIOUS!! I'm cracking up!!