Thursday, September 24, 2009

Happy birthday to MEEEEEEEE!!!!

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday, dear meeeee-eeeee, Haaaaaaaaaaaaappy birthday to me!!

So what does one blog about on one's birthday? It's a big decision. Does one blog about oneself or does one pick a birthday-neutral topic? Does one refer to oneself as "one"? No, that's annoying. I have no idea how the Queen does it.

ANYWAY, today is my birthday. The 34th anniversary of the glorious day of my birth. I'll allow you to take a moment to give thanks . . .

Done? Are you sure? You didn't take very long. Try it again . . .

I really can't believe that I'm 34. I don't know how it happened. It seems like yesterday I was sucking food out of my braces and praying someone got me the New Kids CD I asked for. And then BAM! Out of nowhere I've got 6 gray hairs, I groan when I sit down, and I find myself agreeing with my mom that the sound system in the movie theater is too loud. What's happening to me?? It seems like it all happened in the blink of an eye. And the worst part about it is that there are so many things that I had planned to do by this point in my life that I haven't done. So I've decided to compile a list of things I want to do before my next birthday. Some are new and some are old dreams that never reached fruition but the one thing they have in common is that they are top priority for the coming year . . .

1. Create an adult-size Sit N Spin. Why hasn't anyone done this yet? I can't be the first one to come up with this idea. It's like a black-hole in the toy market and it's just staring us in the face. This must be corrected.

2. Change social norms so that eating a bacon cheeseburger with guacamole is considered dainty and attractive. Grilled chicken salads be damned!

3. Petition the Catholic Church to admit Little Debbie into Sainthood as the Patron Saint of My Fat Roll. She deserves the recognition.

4. Marry a doctor who worked his way through med school as a mechanic. Think about it - all of our major bills would be taken care of. He could come home and say "Honey, I got sued today." and I could say, "No problem. I'll take care of it. Oh and sweetie . . . I've got a cough and my brakes are squeaking." Dream. Team. And I don't think that's being too picky AT ALL.

5. Go to Italy. I had planned to save this for my honeymoon but since my future husband is apparently not an innovative go-getter who can find me while I'm sitting at home watching NCIS re-runs and playing Solitaire on my computer, I'll have to go by myself. We're gonna have a BIG talk about that when he finally knocks on my door.

6. Win a contest that lets me go on a 90-second shopping frenzy in a toy store. Don't ask me why. It was something I saw on some game shows when I was a kid and it stuck with me. And I would STILL go straight for the Cabbage Patch Kids.

7. Open for the New Kids on the Block. Don't you judge me.

8. Single-handedly take down the skinny jeans trend. It needs to be done, friends. Worst fashion idea EVER.

9. Be in a Hostess Factory during an earthquake so that I can eat my way out of the rubble.

10. Go skydiving. I'm really not sure why this is on my list but it's something that I used to want to do so I think it should be carried over onto my new birthday goals list. But it probably won't ever happen. I mean, I had to climb up onto the third rung of my ladder to change the light bulbs in my kitchen the other day and almost had a panic attack. Plus, I would be so self conscious jumping tandem with someone and would no doubt take offense if they said something like "Wow - we're falling a lot faster than I've ever fallen with anyone else. I hope our parachute has been eating its Wheaties!" Yeah, skydiving is a BAD idea. Better take that one off my list . . .

So will you pledge to help keep me on track this year? Will you promise that you will not let me rest until I'm in Italy with my doctor-mechanic husband on an international skinny-jeans-burning tour with the New Kids?

If you do, I promise I'll let you use my Sit N Spin . . .

Have a happy my birthday! :)

5 comments:

The Queen of my Domain said...

Happy Birthday, Catchy! I'll help you with your goals...think we should start with a strategy meeting in Italy!

Nora said...

Eating your way out of the rubble at the Hostess factory was my favorite! I'm on my way now to get some Twinkies. That will be two you won't have to worry about during the earthquake. Happy Birthday Catherine!!!!

ellen said...

I've been thinking about you this morning; happy birthday! I think I liked your petition to the Catholic church the best. And I'm glad that you're still holding out for the mechanic-doctor to come along. I'm sure he'll find you right after he tunes up that '65 Mustang.

Christen said...

You are absolutely a delight!!! And this time I dont mean delightfully overbearing! I am thankful for that wonderful day 34 years ago because I would have nothing to read while I drink my coffee every morning. I love your new goals!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Erin said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATCHY!!! I definitely liked the petition to the Catholic church, but I always love your doctor/mechanic idea!! You know a vampire can do everything right? Think about it. add it to the list.