Friday, September 17, 2010

Full Frontal Fall . . .

My mom and I got together the other night to watch an Irish television show that we found on Netflix and have fallen in love with (Ballykissangel - add it to your queue if you like Irish stuff!!). I came over after church and still needed to do my workout (because I'm SUPER fit like that) so I brought all my workout stuff with me over to my mom's so that I could just exercise at her house before we watched our show (pause while you admire my dedication . . .).

ANYWAY, I walked into the house and saw that her Fall decorations were up and they looked lovely. Her friend/neighbor/decorator-on-the-side does all the decorating for her and my mom LOVES it. This year the house looks fabulous, as usual, and my mom was proud to show off all her little vignettes around the house. She's a BIG fan of the vignette . . .

So she walked me around and showed me what Stephanie had done in each room. First she showed me the lovely table in the entryway:


Then she showed me the kitchen window:
That one is my mom's favorite because she just LOVES the frolicking children.

Then she showed me the dining room and the fireplace. I didn't get pictures of those but I DID get this shot of one little vignette on one side of the fireplace:

Everything just looks great. So I spent some time admiring and oooooooooing and ahhhhhhhhing before popping my Hip Hop Abs video in (stop laughing . . .). I worked out for about an hour (pause to give you time to admire my dedication again . . .) and then, after I was finished, I did some stretches. I decided to stretch my quads - because I work out so hard that I have to call my thighs my "quads" . . . that's how good I am. So I used one hand to grab the mantel for balance while I used the other hand to pull my leg up behind me to stretch the muscle. As I did that, I looked down at the fireplace until I finished my stretch. As I was looking down, I saw another vignette that I had somehow missed. And I'm not sure if I've just been working at my current job too long but this vignette seems a bit inappropriate:


I looked at it and couldn't decide if I should say "Cover the kids' eyes!" or "Oh my - you might want to see a doctor about that." It was just so disconcerting. And out-of-place, I might add. I mean, the kitchen vignette features frolicking children and glittering pumpkins, aaaaaaaaand the fireplace vignette needs to be registered with the State of Texas . . .

So then I thought "Well, maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe I was just at a bad angle. I'm sure if you're not looking down on it, it's not as bad." So I decided to sit down and look at it from another angle:

But that was worse, somehow. I suddenly felt targeted, harassed . . . stalked, even. I swear I saw it winking at me. So I stood up and got as far away from it as possible.

Tonight, my sister Erin and I were over at my mom's house again and we were talking about this little offensive vignette again and we had my mom laughing so hard about it. But this was my favorite part of that conversation:

Erin: That thing's like soft porn.
Me: Seriously! I mean, is that supposed to be a squash or something? Or is it a bird? I can't tell.
Mom: I think it's a crankshank.
Me: A WHAT?!
Erin: Oh, man - it's getting worse.
Mom: [laughing hysterically] No, I didn't mean a crankshank. I meant a . . . a . . .
Me: A crankSHAFT?
Erin: Oh, Lord . . . make it stop. Please.
Mom: NO! [bent over laughing] Not a CRANKSHAFT! A crank . . . a crank . . . oh what is it called . . . a crook . . . a crook-necked squash, I think.
Erin: Well, whatever it is - all it's missing is a trench coat . . .

So that's what Fall has brought to my mom's house this year: white lights, frolicking children, glittering pumpkins, aaaaaaaaand a vignette I shall hereafter call "Full Frontal Fall."

And Fall will never be the same for me . . .

11 comments:

Emma said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cracking up!

Erin said...

I'm laughing so hard all over again!!! Love the registered with the state of texas line! HILARIOUS. I don't know how mom and Steph didn't see that. I mean, it's just so...so in your face!

Phyllis Eddings said...

Overall, the decorations are beautiful. Please tell Nora.

What I can't believe is that after all that, you didn't just "re-arrange" that one vignette. For your mother's sake.

Brian said...

I'm at Jill's house and I just ran across your blog. My stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

...you might want to rethink that job of yours...

The Leuenberger's said...

holy cow. this is my favorite story of all. I seriously can't believe that this stuff happens to you all the time!! Love it!! and you!!

Tracy said...

Yowza!

Thanks for providing us with alternate angles, Cathcy!

Julie said...

Oh my goodness I have tears running down my face laughing. Hysterical!!

Sheri said...

Now Tim's straight up saying, 'Babe, seriously?' all grumpy and incredulous b/c he's trying to sleep while i'm chronicling. big mistake on him.

Sarah Jones said...

I am laughing sooooo hard right now!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

Sarah Jones said...

I am laughing sooooo hard right now!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

Kathleene Baker said...

OMG, this is hilarious!! Loved it.