Wednesday, July 14, 2010

When we talk like that, we're annoying.

Last Wednesday, my dog, Jacques, started throwing up every few hours. As he hadn't gotten into anything, I became concerned about him and I called the vet to see if I could bring him in and get him some medicine.

Okay - fine. I'll be honest. I just got new carpet and didn't want him to ruin it. Don't judge me.

ANYWAY, I called the vet and they said that they were all booked up. I explained my reason for calling (leaving out the new carpet part) and the receptionist said that she'd check to see if they could squeeze me in and then she'd call me back. A few minutes later, one of the vet techs that I deal with a lot called me to chat with me about my dog. He's a SUPER nice guy but this conversation nearly drove me CRAZY:

Tech: Hi. I hear we're siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick . . .
Me: Yeah. Jacques has been throwing up today.
Tech: Okay. Well, did we eat something that we shouldn't have eaten?
Me: [Maybe some Swiss Cake Rolls but that hardly seems relev- oh . . . he's talking about Jacques] I don't think so. Just his food.
Tech: Okay. Why don't you drop him off with us and we'll do some blood work and maybe some X-rays, if necessary.
Me: Okay, I can do that.
Tech: The blood work will tell if there's anything wrong with any of our levels.
Me: Okay.
Tech: Or if maybe we have pancreatitis.
Me: [Wait - why does he keep saying "WE?" That's annoying.] Okay.
Tech: The X-ray will tell us if we have anything lodged anywhere it shouldn't be.
Me: [Wow. He's gonna keep saying it, isn't he?] Okay.
Tech: Like maybe we ate a toy and it got lodged in our intestines.
Me: Uh huh.
Tech: Or maybe we ate something when we were playing in the backyard.
Me: [stopitstopitstopit!!!] Okay.
Tech: Because sometimes we can do that. We can see something laying around in our backyard and we can eat it and before we know it, we have a sick tummy and we're throwing up.
Me: [I can't take it anymore.] Okay.
Tech: When was the last time we threw up?
Me: [Me? Three years ago] Ummmm . . . he threw up about an hour ago.
Tech: Okay. Why don't you get him up here and we'll see if we can figure it out.
Me: [Oh good - he's talking normally again . . .]
Tech: Because it's no fun when we're sick to our tummies.
Me: [Crap.]

It was the strangest conversation I've had in a long time. But I really appreciated him taking the time to talk to me and to help me figure out was wrong with my dog. So I took Jacques up to the vet and dropped him off so that they could run their tests on him. About an hour later, the vet called me to tell me what they'd found out:

Vet: Well, we ran the blood test on Jacques and everything looked normal.
Me: [Oh good - he 's not gonna do the whole "WE" thing . . .] Okay - that's good.
Vet: Yep. But the pancreas levels did come back abnormal.
Me: Oh - okay.
Vet: Soooooooooo . . . it looks like we have pancreatitis.
Me: [Son of a - here we go again . . .]. Okay. What does that mean?
Vet: Well, it typically means that we have a little too much fat in our diet. Have we had anything fatty recently?
Me: [And by "we" you mean . . .?] No, not at all.
Vet: Have we had any cheese?
Me: [Shoot me.] Nope.
Vet: Have we had any treats?
Me: [SHOOT ME.] Nope.
Vet: Have we eaten something in the backyard?
Me: [SHOOOOOOOOOT MEEEEEEEEE!!!] Not that I know of. The only thing that he's eaten lately, aside from his food, is his rawhide bone.
Vet: Okay. And do we have a basted rawhide bone?
Me: Yes.
Vet: And when we eat it, do we gnaw on it or do we swallow it?
Me: We swa- HE swallows it.
Vet: Okay, because sometimes we can eat it and it can get lodged in our intestines. And that will make us throw up . . .

And it went on and on like that. For several minutes. Question after question phrased that way. I don't get it. Is it just a bad habit that has caught on at my vet's office or is some sort of new communication style that they're going to be using from now on. I need to know because I really don't think I can take it on a regular basis.

It will drive us crazy . . .

3 comments:

Andy said...

Ummm...so are we all okay now? Our dog Lucy did the same thing once and the vet found out that bits of rope toy she swallowed over time eventually intertwined around her intestine. She had to go into surgery to take that section of her intestine out. It was very sad...and expensive.

Diana said...

When we (Dixie) did that it was because we had eaten an azalea bush in the backyard. I (Diana) didn't notice it for a few days. Now I have something different planted there.

Phyllis Eddings said...

It probably plays really well with "certain" pet owners.