Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Well, that's just depressing . . .

In honor of Valentine's Week, I thought I'd give you something from the woman you all LOVE so much . . . my dear mommy, of course!! So here is a post written by Nora herself. Enjoy!!

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Tonight I was watching a TV commercial about an antidepressant. It seemed like their goal was for me to feel transported to a beautiful daisy-filled field on my way to peace and serenity. All I have to do is take this little tiny pill. But at the end of the commercial you are dropped back to earth with a thud of reality as they tell you all the negative things that could happen if you do take it. The problem is that the announcer talks really fast like the old Fed EX commercial where you can hardly string two words together. So I wondered how many people would actually take that little pill if they got those dire warnings straight from their doctor while sitting in a sterile office far away from the fields and streams of that commercial:

Me: I've been feeling a little down lately and I can't seem to shake it. Is there anything you can suggest to make me feel like my old, cheery self?
Dr: (Writing out a prescription) Just take one of these each morning. You won't notice an appreciable difference for about two weeks, but then you will improve.
Me: Great! I feel better already. I haven't even felt like playing tennis these days.
Dr.: Well, now, I don't think tennis is a good idea because taking these can lead to stiff muscles and confusion or maybe even uncontrollable muscle movement and that could even be permanent. Of course it's not like you're playing at Wimbledon but still, I wouldn't chance it.
Me: Geez. That's too bad because I'm diabetic and that is one of the ways I get exercise.
Dr: Diabetic? High blood sugar has been reported while using this drug and in some cases extremely high blood sugar could lead to coma or death.
Me: Wow. I better not chance it - tennis is out, but I'm 65 so I can't just go out and jog like I used to.
Dr: 65? (Looking again at my records) Well, just bear in mind that elderly patients have an increased risk of death or stroke from this medicine.
Me: Hello! I only thought I was depressed when I got here!
Dr: It sounds bad, but remember. These pills are safe and have been approved by the FDA.
Me: Thanks.
Dr: If you decide to get that prescription filled be sure to call me if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide.
Me: Well, HELL!

I'll tell you one thing - if I really had been at the doctor's office and had that conversation for real, I would have walked out of the office using my relatively strong leg muscles. And even though I wouldn't be heading for a walk through a field of daisies, I wouldn't end up a happy, but bed-ridden,confused, loose-muscled, half-paralyzed, suicidal stroke victim, either!

I think I'll just sniff some glue!


Unknown said...

OMG Momza! that was HILARIOUS!!!! soooo true too. We laugh about those commercials all the time. I'm still laughing!

Unknown said...

I think that's a very good shapshot of how that conversation would go with the good doctor. Too, too funny!

Emma said...

Nice job, Mommy!! I laugh at those commercials all the time.....people are really taking those different pills though!!

Unknown said...

I take those pills.....

Jill said...

So funny Nora!!! The glue sniffing part was the best ending. I guffawed out loud. You are a great writer and I want to read more. Maybe you should start a blog too.