Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Thanks for trying, Mom!

So my mom was out shopping for Christmas decorations the other day and, as usual, was keeping an eye out for things that she could buy for me and my sisters. My mom LOVES to buy things for us - it's quite a nice trait to have in a mom. Anyway, she always has trouble with my decorating style for some reason because our styles are pretty different - she has a very traditional/cottagey style and I have a more contemporary style . . . Z Gallerie is my mothership. But when it comes to Christmas, I have a more playful/whimsical style in my decorations. But still contemporary. And she has a hard time figuring out what kinds of things I would like. But, God love her, she tries. After she got home from shopping the other day, she called me up in high spirits and had this conversation with me:

Mom: I saw some BEAUTIFUL decorations for you today!
Me: Oh, really - where?
Mom: Lots of places. It was so fun to try to guess which ones you'd like. You know - which ones were "you." I think I did a pretty good job!
Me: I bet you did!
Mom: I saw this one thing and I thought "Now THAT is Catherine. She would LOVE those." So I'm going to describe them for you to see if I'm right. You can be honest with me if I'm wrong - it won't hurt my feelings . . .
Me: Okay . . .
Mom: They were BEAUTIFULLY done Christmas carolers.
Me: [long pause] Christmas carolers.
Mom: Yeah. But they were BEAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTIFULLY done.
Me: I guess I'd have to see them. I tend to go for more contemporary stuff and that doesn't sound too contemporary.
Mom: Well, I think you should see them.
Me: Okay.
Me: Yeah, I picked up on that . . .

So we went to the store where my mom saw them and, as we were walking up to these little figurines, my mom started laying out her defenses preemptively by saying things like "You used to always say you wanted these." and "These are the little carolers that you've always loved." You know - things that would make it harder for me to say I didn't like them. She's pretty sneaky that way. So we rounded the corner and she stopped in front of these figurines - these beautifully done Christmas carolers - and she folded her arms against her chest, sighed with admiration, and shook her head slowly as if to say "I mean, have you EVER seen anything so lovely?"

I had a different reaction. I raised my eyebrows, blinked quickly a few times to fight off the laughter, and immediately began making fun of them.

The first one I noticed was this man:

Is he supposed to be singing?? Because it doesn't look like it to me. I can't decide if he has slipped into a catatonic state, has been hitting the egg nog too hard, or if he's trying to make out with me. It's very disconcerting. But, let's be honest, if he really WERE trying to make out with me, I'd probably buy him. Don't judge me.

Then I saw this lady:

She looks positively stunned. Like some heckler just interrupted her song by yelling "Hey, Lady! I've got your jingle bells right here!" Either that or she is shocked that her fellow caroler keeps trying to make out with me . . .

Then I saw a young boy who appears to have suffered a tragic temple injury:

But, God love him, he keeps on singing.

After I convinced my mom that I was NOT interested in buying any of the "beautifully" done carolers, we continued to look around the store while she tried to point out things that she thought I'd like. At one point, she spotted these little elves and exclaimed with pleasure "These would look great in your house! They're VERY whimsical!"

I looked at them and wanted to ask her if she was talking to me or if she had another daughter named Catherine who she was shopping for. Because they looked positively frightening to me. And possibly evil:

I don't like the way he's licking his lips. He looks like he's hungry and that he thinks he might come eat my nose off my face while I sleep. He will NOT be perched on MY mantle this season.

Then I turned around and saw this guy:
I don't really know what to say about this guy . . . except that he scares me. I actually gasped when I saw him. And felt the sudden urge to talk to him about boundaries. I mean, why is everyone trying to make out with me??

So my mom has decided to NOT try to pick out Christmas decorations for me anymore. And, really, I think that's probably best.

But I DO wonder if that caroler has been asking about me . . .


Emma said...

Too funny!!!! Those last two were WAY creepy!!

Unknown said...

I can't believe she would think these were perfect for ANYONE!! Oh Momza...

The Leuenberger's said...

oh my...i started busting out laughing as soon as I saw the first caroler. Oh your sweet sweet mom!