Monday, December 14, 2009

Mama mia!!

I met my friend Diana for lunch today at a restaurant that's between our houses. It's called Mama Juanita's and I'd never been there before today. We were originally supposed to go to a restaurant called Guadalajara in The Woodlands because Diana really had a taste for their food. But, being the thoughtful, considerate friend I am, I asked if we could go to Mama Juanita's instead so that I could see if they had any good art for me to blog about.

It turned out to be a good decision.

As I was walking up to the front doors of the restaurant, I noticed that the neighboring liquor store had decorated its windows for Christmas. Someone had painted a Christmas tree, some holly, the words "Merry Christmas", and this . . .
I'm not really sure what this is. I mean, on one hand,I feel confident that it's an angel. On the other hand, I feel confident that it's a shrimp. So I guess it's a Christmas Shrimp . . . Angel?? I don't really get it. Maybe I need to drink more?

Then I walked into Mama Juanita's and saw this picture on the back wall. I call it "Miguel and Lolita Spend a Cold Day on the Lake":
I don't know why we had to make her so anatomically correct for this mural. Was that really necessary? Well, I guess it WOULD be cold there, what with the snow-covered mountain in the background. So I guess it makes sense. Anyway, when I look at this picture, my eyes are not drawn to Miguel's freakishly small right wrist or the apparent skin graft on his left hand. And they're not drawn to Lolita's broad left cheek. No, my eyes go right to Lolita's right hand. What's going on there? Is she wearing a prosthetic or does she have some rare finger-length equalizing condition? Either way, it's intriguing. You'd have to really think twice before you chose to pinky swear with her on anything - she could seriously injure you. Wrap that thing around your pinky 10 times before you knew what hit you.

I ventured around the restaurant and saw this one. I call it "Wait - Corn Grows on Trees??":
Huh. A corn TREE. This is maybe something the artist should have researched beforehand. I wonder if those are carrot and potato trees in the background . . .

And can we talk about her shirt? What happened here? I think we might have an artist with a boob fixation, friends. I mean, why draw her this way? Is she trying to seduce the tree? Is that how she got it to grow corn? Is she using a distraction technique to keep us from noticing her large right thigh? I don't know. All I know is that this is a fashion trend I'm NOT going to be able to get behind.

But my favorite picture in the whole place was this one. I call it "Just My Luck."
This is exactly the kind of thing that would happen to me: I'm all dressed up in my cute white dress with my purple flower in my hair and matching purple anklets and I get into a dire situation - one that requires a dramatic rescue. Like maybe I fall and hit my head or get lost or pass out - something along those lines. I'm finally the damsel in distress and I'm waiting for some cute Marine to save me. Or a cute firefighter. Or a pilot . . . you know, some man in a uniform who would no doubt fall in love with me in the process of rescuing me. But, instead, I'd get THIS guy. This half peacock/half man with a shrunken head and weird knees who cops a feel while he rescues unconscious women (see what I mean about the boob fixation?). And the sad thing is that if this guy really did rescue me, I wouldn't even be shocked when I came to. It would make sense to me instantly because that's my life. I'd probably just look up at him, shake my head, and say "Son of a . . . "

So Mama Juanita's did not disappoint.

And the food was pretty good, too. Must be the special Tree Corn . . .


Unknown said...

i am crying crying laughing. the "wait - corn grows on trees" title was pure comic genius!! I laughed soo hard! so was the carrot and potato tree comment...then i laughed out loud AGAIN about the shrunken head! sooo funny catchy!!!

Phyllis Eddings said...

The most puzzling thing about Lolita's freaky right hand, is how much care was apparently given to doing the left one. Maybe there were 2 artists. Maybe the artist let his/her, no, his (don't want to assume a female with the boob fixation) child assist in the mural-making.

Unknown said...

Yeah, I am greatly concerned about CornTree's table cloth shirt. (And how come it wasn't cold when she was painted?) But the shrunken head guy is so awesome. His knees look like my old Ken doll who was of the "Look, he can walk!" category. And by the way, that's an Arkansas "A" on his medallion, NOT a Bama "A"!

Emma said...

OMG!!! LOVED the corn on the tree......the best!!!!

The rescuing warrior looks like something out of Beetlejuice!!