Friday, July 10, 2009

Feelin' hot hot hot!

I think this is the hottest summer we've ever had. Granted, I say that every year, but I think it's REALLY true this time. It's miserable outside! I've noticed a lot about the heat this year that I've never noticed before and I wonder if you are experiencing some of the same things . . .

1. My forehead is freakishly oily. I haven't had this problem since puberty. I'm THIS close to rubbing my forehead on a squeaky door hinge to see if it would fix the squeaking.
2. I have an inexplicable willingness to don my bathing suit and jump in a pool regardless of who's around. I mean, I've avoided that thing for YEARS and now suddenly, when someone mentions swimming, I'm like Wonder Woman - changing into my suit in the blink of an eye. Actually, the Wonder Woman comment just gave me an idea - maybe if I wear shiny wrist bands and knee boots with my suit, it will draw everyone's attention away from my rear. Hmmmmmmm . . .
3. I've gotten second degree burns from my car seat. Seriously. My shirt will raise up in the back just enough to expose a bit of skin so that when I sit down, I feel a searing pain. Involuntarily, I'll sit straight up and start doing Lamaze breathing techniques just to get through it.
4. My steering wheel has NEVER been so hot. I seriously have to drive with the heels of my hands and, even then, I can only touch the wheel for approximately 1.3 seconds at a time. And I have to do the Lamaze breathing again, too.
5. I actually contemplated jumping into a creek the other day just to cool off. I stood there telling myself that stagnant water would be refreshing and that the odds of finding water moccasins in there was pretty low. I couldn't muster up the courage, though, and cursed myself for not being a risk taker.
6. I find myself driving with my elbows up to shoulder level so that the vents will blow A/C up my shirt sleeves and into my armpits. I'm not proud of this.
7. When the restaurant hostess asks me if I want sit inside or outside, I stare coldly at her and tell her to use her freakin' head. Then I wipe some oil off of my forehead and sit down until my table is ready.
8. Just the THOUGHT of wearing jeans makes me sweat.
9. And speaking of sweat . . . I have never sweat so much. When I stand up, I have to subtly try to peel my pants off of my butt and thighs without anyone seeing. And it seems like every time I'm outside, I have sweat running down my back. The first time this happened, I freaked out because I thought there were bugs under my shirt. When I went to swat them, I realized that it was sweat. I think I might have preferred to find a bug infestation back there instead. I mean, let me tell ya, people . . . when you're single, you don't really need a case of excessive back sweat. It's SUPER attractive.

I hate to be a complainer but it's just HORRIBLE. Please tell me you feel the same! It's only July and I'm already counting down the days until the Fall arrives. I can't wait until the first cool front moves in, bringing with it the perfect excuse to wear jeans and jackets.

You know, so I can start complaining about the COLD weather.


Emma said...

Spot on, Catch....loved it!! Universal and hysterical!

Katie said...

So true!!! So, how do you know what Lamaze breathing is all about? Just curious about that one... :-)

Anne Andis said...

So Catherine,

I am in total agreement! I don't leave the house after 1o am or until after 8 pm. I don't care if my kids are bored to tears. I'm not going out there! I am leaving for NY on the 21st, where my mom still sees her breath in the morning when she walks her dog. Wish I could go right now!!!

I'm with you!

Anne Andis

Phyllis Eddings said...

Sweat. Yet another reason I only wear dark pants.

The Leuenberger's said...

oh my goodness, I am so with you. I try to even wear my fall clothes hoping it will not be too hot, but then I'm sweating like a pig wondering why on earth I decided to wear jeans and a 3/4 length sweater. So glad Jax was born in April...can you even imagine being pregnant in this heat--yuck.