Thursday, October 7, 2010

Save me!!

I told you all last week about how I've decided to venture out into the world of online dating. And I have to tell you that it's a funny little world. I mean, if you were to meet a single guy at, say, a bar or the gym or the grocery store or a wedding or a funeral (don't judge me), you would expect to have some nice small talk with him, some fun flirting, and you'd size each other up and figure out if you're interested. That's how it's supposed to be. That's the natural order of things.

But, unfortunately, that's not how it works for most people online.

What I'm finding is that many of the guys out there jump right past that initial phase of small talk and flirting and they go straight to their best "We were destined for each other" commercial. It's so strange. In fact, I got an email the other day from a guy who did that:

"I'm definitely ready to commit into a loving lifelong relahionship with a beautiful educated woman like yourself. The times of mounting a horse to go find one and fighting windmills are no more there! I know i will be a great partner. So, let me be the one to have the privilidge to your friendship and love."

Okay, let me break this down for you . . .

1. You should never use the word "mounting" in any initial communication on a dating website.
2. I can't be in a relationship with anyone who doesn't know how to SPELL relationship. Or privilege.
3. Why is he already asking for my love? He doesn't know anything about me. He's seen my picture and read a few sentences about me - does he really have enough information to make that determination. I mean, don't get me wrong - I'm freakin' AWESOME. (Seriously . . . have you SEEN my butt?) But, STILL - he doesn't know that. (Note to self: put a picture of my butt on my online profile . . .)
4. If I guy walked up to me at the gym and said that to me as his opening introduction, I think I'd ask security to escort me to my car.
5. SAVE ME!!!

For the first time in my life, the idea of hanging out at a bar to meet a guy is sounding appealing. I'm sure I could find someone THERE who could earn the privilidge to my love and friendship . . .

Shoot me.


Phyllis Eddings said...

Do you have attorney, or legal field listed as your occupation on your page? They might be looking for a sugar-mama. You might also want to clarify what you really do—prosecuting pervs. That might eliminate the "mounting" references. LOL

Gwennie Pig said...

That guy sounds like a restraining order waiting to happen! :)

Anonymous said...

I say give him a chance.