Monday, November 30, 2009

Wait - that's not what I meant . . .

So the Thanksgiving weekend is over and I am officially pumpkin-pied out. Well, not really. I'm just saying that so that you won't judge me. The truth is that I could eat pumpkin pie for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the rest of my life and I'd be just fine.

ANYWAY, the weekend was great. I had lots of great family time, lots of down-time for reading, and saw lots of movies. Well, I actually only saw 4 but that's a lot for me these days - I've been in a little bit of a movie drought.

One of the movies I saw this weekend was "Precious." Have you seen it? It's about a girl from Harlem who has a HORRIBLE childhood - sexually assaulted by her mother and father, verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by her mother, and just utterly alone in this world. Very sad. Very depressing. And VERY uncomfortable to watch with your mom sitting next to you the whole time saying "WHAT did she just say?" There are certain things a girl should never have to repeat for her mother . . .

My friend Christina (who is also my trial partner at work) came out to see "Precious" with my mom and my sister Erin. Before the movie, Christina and I ran out to get everyone's drinks and popcorn and whatnot. As we were leaving to head back to our little theater with our arms full of everyone's goodies, I saw a friend of mine who was waiting in the line next to us. I introduced him to Christina and this was the exchange that followed:

Me: This is my trial partner Christina.
Friend: Your trial partner?
Me: Yes. We're both in the perv court.
Friend: The perv court?
Me: Yeah. You know, the sexually violent predator court in Montgomery County.
Friend: Oh yeah!
Me: And Christina is my trial partner.
Friend: So not your permanent partner?

This is where the conversation went terribly wrong. He was trying to be funny by saying "permanent" as opposed to "trial" partner as if to insinuate that I was trying Christina out on a trial basis as my partner at work. Just an innocent play on words.

I thought he was asking if she was my LIFE partner . . .

I didn't know how to fix the apparent miscommunication and HE didn't realize that I wasn't getting his joke. So we kept talking to each other while having two very different conversations. The result was an awkward mess:

Friend: So not your permanent partner? [looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to get his joke]
Me: [HUH?? Oh crap. How do I fix this without it getting awkward?] No . . . no . . . ummmm . . . my trial partner. For work. We're lawyers.
Friend: Ahhhhh - not your PERMANENT partner.
Me: [What the . . . NOOOOOOO!! Act casual.] Nope! Just friends from work . . .
Friend: [probably thinking "she's not getting my joke . . ."] Still trying it out . . .
Me: [Oh for the love of . . . ] Ummmmm . . .? [Should I shout "I like boys!" right now? Would that be too awkward?]
Friend: Not permanent . . . [looking at me knowingly - trying to make me understand his joke.]
Me: Nope. [I need to abandon this conversation NOW.] You can't make that too clear these days! [What does THAT mean?? Uh oh . . . here comes the verbal diarrhea . . .] Yep! We're here with my mom and my sisters. Not by ourselves. [SHUT UP, CATHERINE.]

Before I knew it, I had beads of sweat on my forehead and I was trying to remember if I had put my deodorant on that morning. I had a sudden urge to start talking about how hot all the guys in the concession line were. Or to go grab a random guy's butt just to set the record straight. But I fought the urge. Then, as I walked off, his joke finally dawned on me. I was mortified then at my responses - how immature my reaction was!! But I had to smile at myself.

And say "Man, that guy's HOT!" loud enough for him to hear - just for good measure . . .


Emma said...

OMG!!! I'm totally cracking up right now!! I think I would have been with you, though...what did Christina say? Did she get the joke right away?

Unknown said...

i lOVE this story! Catherine, I was laughing just as hard as I was when we were in the car. HILARIOUS! I can totally picture the whole thing and it's making me laugh again sooo hard!

Phyllis Eddings said...

A few years ago, we would have alllll gotten his joke. Sounds like he's naiive, or just behind the times. I would have taken it the way you did, and have been equally as panicked about it. Love you Catchy!
(Well, not THAT way!)