Awesome aunt. Terrible movie chooser.

This weekend, my sisters and I went to dinner at Lupe Tortilla (a/k/a the best Mexican restaurant EVER) for some fajitas and some quality time together.  But mostly for the fajitas.  Emma and Ben, my 11-year-old niece and 8-year-old nephew, also joined us for the evening.  While we were eating, we started chatting about our favorite books and favorite movies and, at some point, I was talking about how I had read the Lord of the Rings books when the movies came out and how surprised I was that I liked the books as much as I did.  Ben got very excited and said "Oh!  Catchy!  I've been wanting to watch those movies!  Are they too scary for me??"

Now, I haven't seen those movies in years but I remember that I really liked them.  I sat there for a second and tried to remember as much of the movies as I could to decide if they were too scary for little Ben to watch.  I told my sister that I thought they had some scary parts, that the whole story line is about good vs. evil and there are some pretty scary characters on the side of evil, but that I didn't think it was anything that he couldn't handle.  So we made the decision to have an impromptu Lord of the Rings slumber party at my house.  So Emma and Ben jumped in my car and Erin went to pick her kids up from their little friends' house and we planned to rendezvous back at my house.

This was VERY exciting.  Mostly because we used the word rendezvous and that makes everything seem more exciting.

That's when I began to worry that I had underestimated the scariness of the movies.  I had a feeling that I was forgetting something that would be a game-changer so I felt it incumbent upon me make sure that Ben understood that the movie might be scarier than I had initially represented.  So, on our way to my house, Ben and I had this little conversation:

Me: You know what, Ben?  I'm a little worried that these movies might be a little scarier than I remember . . .
Ben: I don't think I will be scared, Catchy.  I think it will be okay.  I mean, I watched Scrooge and had nightmares for three nights but I don't think that will happen this time.
Me: Weeeeeeelllllll . . . this is gonna be a LITTLE bit scarier than Scrooge, buddy.  I mean, there are some pretty scary characters in this movie.
Ben: No, it's okay, Catchy.  I promise.  You know how I know?  Because I saw the real live Scooby Doo movie and it was scaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrry.  But I pushed through it.  So I'll just push through it on the Lord of the Rings, too.
Me: [gulp] Hmmmm . . . I don't know, bud.  This is gonna be just a WEEEEEEEEE bit scarier than the Scooby Doo movie.
Ben: [shaking his head] I don't think so, Catchy - that one was PRETTY scary . . . [looking at me knowingly].
Me: Oh boy . . .

As it turns out, I had COMPLETELY forgotten about how scary those movies are.  I mean, there are these horrible creatures that I had forgotten about called orcs and they are positively terrifying. I spent half the movie saying things like "Oooooo - don't tell your mom about THAT!" and "Oh geez - I forgot about THAT guy . . ." and "I'm scared - somebody hold my hand!" Luckily, though, the kids did NOT think the movies OR the orcs were too scary and they absolutely loved our Lord of the Rings marathon.

Phew!

And, in case you were curious, we DID confirm that the Lord of the Rings is MUCH scarier than the live action Scooby Doo movie.

I mean, it's THIS . . . 

 vs.

HO . . . LY . . . CRAP.

Preeeeeeeeeeetty sure we have a clear winner.

Now aren't you glad that I'm not an aunt to YOUR kids?

What the "h"?

Helloooooooooo, strangers!!! It's been so long since we've chatted!  Let's not go long between posts again, okay?  Y'all need to quit slacking off . . .

This weekend I went to Birmingham to go to my 10 year law school reunion.  I stayed with my friend Ashley and her family and had SO much fun.  She has an 8-year-old daughter named Annie (I've written about her before - click here to refresh your memory if you want!) and she is my little buddy.  I went to have lunch with her at her school on Friday.  She was very excited because she had just gotten a 100 on her spelling test.  And I'm so glad she did because it led to this conversation with her classmates:

Annie: Guess what?!
Catchy: What?!
Annie: I got a hundred on my spelling test!!
Catchy: Stop it!!
Annie: No!!
Catchy: Stop!  It!!!
Annie: No!!
[high five!]
Girl next to Annie: I got a 100, too!
Catchy: What?  Way to go!
[high five!]
Girl across from Annie: I got a 100, too!
Catchy: Unbelievable!
[high five!]
Girl across from me: [bummed out] I missed one.
Catchy: Well, that's okay!  That's still awesome!
[high five . . . a bit unenthusiastically]
Same Girl: Yeah.  I forgot the "h."
Catchy: Ooooooh . . . that's a bummer.
Same Girl: Yeah.  And I KNEW there was an "h" - I just forgot to write it.
Catchy: Oh man!  I HATE it when that happens!  What was the word?
Same Girl: [sighs regretfully] "Stomp."  [shakes head sadly]
[awkward silence]
Catchy: Well . . . that's . . . it probably wouldn't have . . . you'll do better next time.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that, even had she remembered to put the "h" in "stomp" she would have still missed one on her spelling test.  I just felt too sorry for her.  But later I found out that she has been bullying sweet little Annie!  What the "h"???  Now I wish I hadn't been so nice to her!

I should have just STHOMPED on her foot and walked away.

Ben's BFF

My sister Tammy called me the other day to tell me about a funny conversation she'd had with my nephew, Ben.  They had spent the afternoon at a home-school function where Ben had been running around playing with some kids he hadn't met before.  At one point, he ran up to Tammy, breathless and looking for someone.  That's when they had this conversation:

Ben: Hey, Mommy.  I'm looking for my BFF - have you seen him?
Tammy: [confused] Your BFF?
Ben: Yeah.  We were just playing and then he left to go potty but now I can't find him.
Tammy: Oh.  Well, what's his name?
Ben:  I don't know.
Tammy: You don't know his name?  I thought he was your BFF!
Ben: He is.  [spotting the BFF] THERE HE IS!
[runs over to his friend]
Ben to BFF: Hey, BFF!  I've been looking for you! [running off to play together]

Oh to be young again . . .

Brake Damage

My friend Sarah is studying abroad this semester.  She recently spent a week in Italy (lucky girl!) and was a bit concerned about a sign that was posted on the door of her hostel.  So, naturally, she took a picture, posted it on facebook, and sent me a copy:

On one hand, you can appreciate him making the effort to translate things to English for his English-speaking patrons.

But, on the other hand, has he really cleared anything up??

Breakinig News

I was watching the news the other day, following the tornado outbreaks in Alabama, my old law-school stomping ground.  All was normal in my world as I sat on my couch watching a breaking news alert unfold . . .

And then, suddenly and without warning, the breaking news changed to BREAKINIG news . . .

You can imagine my alarm.  I didn't know - and still don't - if "breakinig" news is worse than just plain ol' "breaking" news?  And, if so, was anyone notifying LuAnne and the reporter out there in Alabama so that they could take cover?  Did I need to take cover?  Just as I was about to really start panicking, I realized that it was just a weird, mid-breaking news type-o. 

And that's when my eyeballs started breakinig . . .

Security at its best

I went to the grocery store tonight and, as I was checking out, I noticed this screen on all the unmanned cash registers in the store:

Now, I'm not in the security industry but I do believe that a "secure mode" is seriously undermined by the subsequent directions on how to EXIT the secure mode.  Right?  I mean, isn't this like posting a sign on your front door that says:

DOOR LOCKED

Use key under WELCOME MAT to unlock 

LOCKED DOOR.

They need to get their money back from whichever company designed this system for them.  But the good thing is that, when they get their money back, they just have to hit the BREAK key to put it in the register . . .

Betrayed

I've told y'all before that I'm the greatest aunt who ever lived but I think it bears repeating.  Mainly because I like repeating it.

ANYWAY . . . as soon as my nieces and nephew could each talk, I employed my knowledge about Pavlovian techniques and taught them to say that I was their favorite aunt.  I'd ask them "Who's your favorite aunt?" and they'd yell "CATCHY!!!!"  They would say it so enthusiastically and without any hesitation that my sisters soon realized that they could never compete for that title and conceded it to me.  So today I am still the reigning and undisputed Favorite Aunt in my family.

That's what made tonight so painful.

My 11-year-old niece Emma called me on video chat from her iPod tonight and we talked about what she did today, what she'd be doing tomorrow, and what her high score is in Temple Run (451,024 for those of you who are familiar with the game . . .).  You know - the kinds of things that nieces and favorite aunts talk about.  That's when the conversation went terribly and horribly awry:

Emma: Catchy, guess what?
Me: What?
Emma: I've been really funny lately with my friends.
Me: I bet you have!
Emma: Yeah - I've been really funny.  You know - like Auntie Erin.
Me: [choking on my water] Wait - WHAT did you just say?
Emma: I've been funny like Auntie Erin.
Me: Wait a second!  Why does SHE get to be the funny one??
Emma: [silence]
Me: [jaw dropped dramatically] IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm funny, tooooooooooooooo!!
Emma: [nervous giggling]
Me: What a rip off.

I feel so betrayed!!

Then later, I made the mistake of telling Erin what Emma had said and she rubbed it in as many times as she could during our conversation.  Like so . . .

Me: Oh, did you hear that Melissa McCarthy got an Oscar nomination for Bridesmaids??
Erin: Yeah!  Good for her.
Me: Right? I think it's awesome! But I'm so surprised that she got an OSCAR nomination for that movie.
Erin: Well, but I think those really funny roles are hard to do so it's about time that people are getting recognized for them.
Me: I know.  She WAS hilarious.  But an Oscar nomination??
Erin: Well, you just don't understand that level of comedy.  Emma and I do, though . . .
Me: Shut up.

So clearly I need to start working on my reputation as a funny aunt.

Right after I get this knife out of my unfunny back . . .