Thursday, August 19, 2010

Spending time with Ben and Dearsie

My 6 year old nephew, Ben, spent the night at my mom's house the other night. He arrived at her house with all of his knight action figures and related toys, including a catapult. When my mom saw these and heard that he intended to play knights with my mom, she was a little concerned. I mean, she raised three daughters and we never played knights so she wasn't quite sure how to do it. But she decided that she was going to play knights like no one else ever has. In fact, she was going to stage the best medieval war right there in her living room. Ben would declare her the best grandmother and the best strategist to ever walk the Earth.

To accomplish this goal, she ran upstairs and grabbed a few things that she could use to build a fortress for her knights and then ran back downstairs. Then she sat down on living room floor, across from Ben, and started to build her fortress. She was preparing for the beginning of what was sure to be a bloody battle with Ben's knights, when Ben started this conversation:

Ben: Okay. Are you ready?
Mom: Yep!
Ben: Okay. We're gonna start with breakfast.
Mom: YOU'RE GOING DOW- wait . . . what?
Ben: We're gonna start with breakfast.
Mom: Oh . . . okay . . .
Ben: Do you want bacon or a side of ham?
Mom: Ummm . . . bacon.
Ben: Well, then you have to make it! Just go like this [demonstrating how to use a make-believe skillet] and then you have to say "ssssssssssssssss." Because that's the sound it makes when it's cooking.
Mom: Okaaaaaaaay . . . well, what about the battl-
Ben: And when the knights are eating, they have to make a sound like this "Num num num num." That means that they like the bacon or side of ham.
Mom: Okay . . . ummmmm . . . sssssssssssssssssssss.

So the knights ate their breakfast with no talk of battle. When the imaginary breakfast was over, Ben took my mom's knight, placed it in the catapult and launched it. Then he declared the war to be over, much to my mom's dismay. What a waste of a fortress . . .

Later, they had this conversation:

Mom: I won't be able to call you my sweet little boy much longer because you're growing up so fast!
Ben: Oh Dearsie. You're so silly.
Mom: Well, it's true! You're getting so big! Pretty soon you'll be driving over to my house in your own car!
Ben: Deeeeeeeeeeeearsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie . . .
Mom: I'm serious. You'll be driving your own car and you won't have to get your mommy or daddy to bring you over!
Ben: Dearsie, I don't even have my own car!
Mom: Well, not yet! But you will! Maybe I'll buy you one - what do you think about that?
Ben: Nah - you'll forget . . . And you'll be dead by then anyway.
Mom: Well . . . you just talked yourself out of a car, buddy . . .

My mom's starting to wonder why her grandchildren keep wanting to kill her off so early. But I don't think that's what's really going on here. I think it's much simpler than that. See, I think Ben has seen how my mom often mistakes Honda Accords or Pontiac Grand Ams for my Ford Mustang or how she calls all SUVs, big AND little, "Expeditions" and he does NOT want her picking out a car for him.

And, frankly, I can't blame him.


Emma said...

Still laughing! Actually, I think Ben would make a great general....Invite the opposing army for a much needed meal & then sucker punch them by catapulting their best guys!

He had a great time!!!

Anonymous said...

finally got caught up on the chronicles - hilarious!
~Mary D
P.S. how's that book coming?

Anonymous said...

I hadn't heard this story! That's HILARIOUS!!!!