Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Butchered.

I had trial this week (and we won, thankyouverymuch) so I took it easy this evening. I decided that I would invite my mom to come over and have dinner and watch this Irish show that we discovered on Netflix. I called her up and she said that sounded like a great idea so I headed out to the store to get the groceries I needed for dinner. On my list of things to get was a package of chicken tenderloins so, once I got all the produce on my list, I headed over to the meat department. I walked toward the chicken section and found myself standing next to a very nice butcher who was putting some marked-down meats in the cooler. He looked over at me and we had this conversation:

Butcher: Do you or your husband like rib-eyes?
Me: [Oh boy . . . this is awkward. Do I tell him I'm not married? Will that make him feel awkward for assuming that I was? I don't want him to feel awkward. I HATE when people feel awkward. Maybe I should just go along with it and pretend like I AM married. Maybe I should make up a husband and start talking about him. I could say things like "Oh BOY does he like a good rib-eye!" Or I could make up a name for him to make him sound real, like: "Oh my gosh - Joe JUST asked me to cook him a rib-eye tonight!" Or I could say something playful like: "Joe's more of a tenderloin guy, if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge." But that seems like kind of a pathetic thing to do. Well, I need to do SOMETHING because he's staring at me and waiting for a response. Maybe I should tell him that my husband doesn't like people staring at me. Oh Good Lord, Catherine. It's just a simple question - answer it.] Weeeellll . . .
Butcher: The reason I'm asking is that I JUST marked this meat down so it's a REALLY good deal.
Me: Oh, really? [Beep beep beep . . . wait - is that my "expired meat" radar going off?]
Butcher: It was $26 and I just marked it down to $16. Sooooo . . .
Me: Wow. That really IS a great deal! [For OLD meat . . .]
Butcher: Yeah. So if your husband likes it . . .
Me: [Okay - he's just rubbing it in now.] Well, I probably couldn't cook it tonight so I'm not sure how long it would last in my fridge.
Butcher: Oh, well just freeze it!
Me: Oh. Well, yeah - I could do that. [If I wanted to feed Joe old meat, mister!]
Butcher: That's what I do. My dad used to own this old country store and he would always bring home the old meat.
Me: [AHA!!!! I KNEW it!]
Butcher: And he always said it was the best meat because it was the AGED meat. Soooo . . .
Me: Oh . . .
Butcher: So that's the only kind I eat!
Me: Well, that's a good idea! [Oh . . . my . . . gosh - he's trying to give me mad cow disease.]
Butcher: [with a little bit of a "you didn't hear this from me" tone] But I would freeze it for a day or two if I were you. You know - just in case . . .
Me: [No - I DON'T know. Just in case of WHAT??] Oh, okay!
Butcher: Just a tip. [Walking away] But your husband will like it!
Me: [Okay, SERIOUSLY???]

And that's when I headed to the ice cream aisle.

But I really almost bought the old meat because I didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings. And I didn't want to pass up a good deal on some rib-eyes.

Because Joe really DOES like a good steak . . .

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a rip-off! You said right there in black and white that you headed straight for the ice cream aisle and yet - after the chicken - you fed me some healthy PINEAPPLE! WHAT THE...

Mom

Anonymous said...

OMG, You really do make me laugh! When do we get to meet Joe? DS

Phyllis Eddings said...

1) Catherine! He said "does your husband" as a way of finding out if you're available!!!! Clueless.
2) There is absolutely nothing wrong with meat that is a little aged. If you don't get a little bacteria now and then, your immune system will be crap. (pun intended)

Anonymous said...

I think the butcher was hitting on you. He likes "old meat" and was probably wanting you to buy the meat and make HIM a meal. Was he cute? Could you date a guy who wears a blood stained apron and likes old meat? Just a thought.
Kim
mommyesquire.com

The Leuenberger's said...

Hilarious! I like that you named your hubby, Joe. Joe and Catherine sitting in a tree....

Victorian Lady said...

I agree- sounds like he was trying to find out if you were available! :)

We buy the manager's specials- haven't gotten sick yet!

Mere