What the "h"?

Helloooooooooo, strangers!!! It's been so long since we've chatted!  Let's not go long between posts again, okay?  Y'all need to quit slacking off . . .

This weekend I went to Birmingham to go to my 10 year law school reunion.  I stayed with my friend Ashley and her family and had SO much fun.  She has an 8-year-old daughter named Annie (I've written about her before - click here to refresh your memory if you want!) and she is my little buddy.  I went to have lunch with her at her school on Friday.  She was very excited because she had just gotten a 100 on her spelling test.  And I'm so glad she did because it led to this conversation with her classmates:

Annie: Guess what?!
Catchy: What?!
Annie: I got a hundred on my spelling test!!
Catchy: Stop it!!
Annie: No!!
Catchy: Stop!  It!!!
Annie: No!!
[high five!]
Girl next to Annie: I got a 100, too!
Catchy: What?  Way to go!
[high five!]
Girl across from Annie: I got a 100, too!
Catchy: Unbelievable!
[high five!]
Girl across from me: [bummed out] I missed one.
Catchy: Well, that's okay!  That's still awesome!
[high five . . . a bit unenthusiastically]
Same Girl: Yeah.  I forgot the "h."
Catchy: Ooooooh . . . that's a bummer.
Same Girl: Yeah.  And I KNEW there was an "h" - I just forgot to write it.
Catchy: Oh man!  I HATE it when that happens!  What was the word?
Same Girl: [sighs regretfully] "Stomp."  [shakes head sadly]
[awkward silence]
Catchy: Well . . . that's . . . it probably wouldn't have . . . you'll do better next time.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that, even had she remembered to put the "h" in "stomp" she would have still missed one on her spelling test.  I just felt too sorry for her.  But later I found out that she has been bullying sweet little Annie!  What the "h"???  Now I wish I hadn't been so nice to her!

I should have just STHOMPED on her foot and walked away.

Ben's BFF

My sister Tammy called me the other day to tell me about a funny conversation she'd had with my nephew, Ben.  They had spent the afternoon at a home-school function where Ben had been running around playing with some kids he hadn't met before.  At one point, he ran up to Tammy, breathless and looking for someone.  That's when they had this conversation:

Ben: Hey, Mommy.  I'm looking for my BFF - have you seen him?
Tammy: [confused] Your BFF?
Ben: Yeah.  We were just playing and then he left to go potty but now I can't find him.
Tammy: Oh.  Well, what's his name?
Ben:  I don't know.
Tammy: You don't know his name?  I thought he was your BFF!
Ben: He is.  [spotting the BFF] THERE HE IS!
[runs over to his friend]
Ben to BFF: Hey, BFF!  I've been looking for you! [running off to play together]

Oh to be young again . . .

Brake Damage

My friend Sarah is studying abroad this semester.  She recently spent a week in Italy (lucky girl!) and was a bit concerned about a sign that was posted on the door of her hostel.  So, naturally, she took a picture, posted it on facebook, and sent me a copy:

On one hand, you can appreciate him making the effort to translate things to English for his English-speaking patrons.

But, on the other hand, has he really cleared anything up??

Breakinig News

I was watching the news the other day, following the tornado outbreaks in Alabama, my old law-school stomping ground.  All was normal in my world as I sat on my couch watching a breaking news alert unfold . . .

And then, suddenly and without warning, the breaking news changed to BREAKINIG news . . .

You can imagine my alarm.  I didn't know - and still don't - if "breakinig" news is worse than just plain ol' "breaking" news?  And, if so, was anyone notifying LuAnne and the reporter out there in Alabama so that they could take cover?  Did I need to take cover?  Just as I was about to really start panicking, I realized that it was just a weird, mid-breaking news type-o. 

And that's when my eyeballs started breakinig . . .

Security at its best

I went to the grocery store tonight and, as I was checking out, I noticed this screen on all the unmanned cash registers in the store:

Now, I'm not in the security industry but I do believe that a "secure mode" is seriously undermined by the subsequent directions on how to EXIT the secure mode.  Right?  I mean, isn't this like posting a sign on your front door that says:

DOOR LOCKED

Use key under WELCOME MAT to unlock 

LOCKED DOOR.

They need to get their money back from whichever company designed this system for them.  But the good thing is that, when they get their money back, they just have to hit the BREAK key to put it in the register . . .

Betrayed

I've told y'all before that I'm the greatest aunt who ever lived but I think it bears repeating.  Mainly because I like repeating it.

ANYWAY . . . as soon as my nieces and nephew could each talk, I employed my knowledge about Pavlovian techniques and taught them to say that I was their favorite aunt.  I'd ask them "Who's your favorite aunt?" and they'd yell "CATCHY!!!!"  They would say it so enthusiastically and without any hesitation that my sisters soon realized that they could never compete for that title and conceded it to me.  So today I am still the reigning and undisputed Favorite Aunt in my family.

That's what made tonight so painful.

My 11-year-old niece Emma called me on video chat from her iPod tonight and we talked about what she did today, what she'd be doing tomorrow, and what her high score is in Temple Run (451,024 for those of you who are familiar with the game . . .).  You know - the kinds of things that nieces and favorite aunts talk about.  That's when the conversation went terribly and horribly awry:

Emma: Catchy, guess what?
Me: What?
Emma: I've been really funny lately with my friends.
Me: I bet you have!
Emma: Yeah - I've been really funny.  You know - like Auntie Erin.
Me: [choking on my water] Wait - WHAT did you just say?
Emma: I've been funny like Auntie Erin.
Me: Wait a second!  Why does SHE get to be the funny one??
Emma: [silence]
Me: [jaw dropped dramatically] IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm funny, tooooooooooooooo!!
Emma: [nervous giggling]
Me: What a rip off.

I feel so betrayed!!

Then later, I made the mistake of telling Erin what Emma had said and she rubbed it in as many times as she could during our conversation.  Like so . . .

Me: Oh, did you hear that Melissa McCarthy got an Oscar nomination for Bridesmaids??
Erin: Yeah!  Good for her.
Me: Right? I think it's awesome! But I'm so surprised that she got an OSCAR nomination for that movie.
Erin: Well, but I think those really funny roles are hard to do so it's about time that people are getting recognized for them.
Me: I know.  She WAS hilarious.  But an Oscar nomination??
Erin: Well, you just don't understand that level of comedy.  Emma and I do, though . . .
Me: Shut up.

So clearly I need to start working on my reputation as a funny aunt.

Right after I get this knife out of my unfunny back . . .

Catching up . . .

Ironically, one of my goals for myself for 2012 (not a full-out "resolution" - just a goal.  I like to set the bar low . . .) was to be better about posting at least three times a week on here.  Unfortunately, I then came down with the worst case of bronchitis and/or tuberculosis and/or the plague that put me out of commission for a good week and a half.  THEN I had two back-to-back trials that I had to work on so my attention was focused elsewhere.  And then after THAT I just got plain lazy and uninspired.

Don't judge me. 

Since it's been so long since we've chatted, I feel like I have a lot to catch you up on.  So get comfortable and focus all your attention on me, pleaseandthankyou . . .

I've decided that there is an epidemic of the misuse of "lol" in the world today.  Have you noticed it?  People text things like "It was so good to see you today lol" or "Oh my gosh - I love your new haircut lol!"  Wait - what?  I don't understand.  I mean, are you being sarcastic?  Are you mocking me?  What's wrong with my haircut??  Does it make me look fat????  And just like that, a nice text from a friend turns into life-altering paranoia.  All because someone mishandled a "laugh out loud."  What a shame.  I mean, the only time you should use "lol" is to indicate that something was funny - like a joke or anything that I text you (because I'm always HILARIOUS, of course.) And you should NEVER jam-pack a bunch of lols into one poorly punctuated thought like so: "We need to get lunch soon lol maybe fajitas lol we need to catch up lol." Either you are misusing the lol or you are suffering from some sort of clinical hysteria.  Either way, please get help. 

lol.

I've been watching a LOT of HGTV lately - and I do mean a LOT.  Sometimes it's because it's interesting and I want to see how the redecorated room turns out.  And sometimes it's because I've been watching it for 2 hours and my brain has disengaged so I can't do anything but stare and drool.  BUT all this TV time has had a curious effect on me - I'm now super-motivated to do projects around my house.  And it's quite unusual for me to have that reaction.  Normally, I'm the type who will watch a show like Hoarders and, rather than getting the urge to clean and scrub my house, I look around at my shoes on the floor and the dishes in the sink and pat myself on the back for not having dead cats in my living room or 100 boxes of dish detergent in my garage.  But, for some reason, when I watch HGTV I want to re-paint my bedroom, rip out my kitchen counters, and find a chair on the side of the road and reupholster it.  Buuuuuuut so far all I've done is hang some peg board in my closet and replace light bulbs. 

Baby steps, people.  Baby steps.

My sister Erin recently watched a documentary called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" which is about two men who do a 60 day juice fast and end up with amazing medical benefits, including weight loss.  Erin watched it and got totally inspired by the story of these two men so she decided to do a 30-day juice fast.  I gave her a hard time for being so easily influenced by a movie but I told her that I'd support her by joining her for a 15 day juice fast.  Then I decided to watch the documentary, too, so that I'd know what I was getting myself into aaaaaaaand, before I knew it, I was crying over the success of these two men and had vowed to do a juice fast for 40 days.  I don't know what happened.

Clearly, I need to stop watching TV.

Okay, that's enough about me.  I want to hear about you, too, because I care about you lol.

Uh huuuuuuuh . . . now you're paranoid, too, aren't you?