Veterinarian's Day . . .

I had dinner with Erin and her kiddos tonight at Cheesecake Factory for our weekly Girls' Night. Normally, Tammy and my mom are there with us but, tonight, Tammy was sick and my mom was visiting a friend of ours so it was just me and Erin. We missed them, of course, but then Savannah (my 8-year old niece) started telling us about what she learned at school today about Veteran's Day and, suddenly, it was like my mom was right there with us . . .

Savannah: I almost CRIED at school today, Mommy.
Erin: Why??
Savannah: Because Mrs. Duvall told us every little detail about Veterinarian's Day.
Erin: Oh she did?
Savannah: Yes. EVERY little detail.
Me: What did she tell you about it?
Savannah: She just told us every little detail about EVERY war.
Me: Oh - was it really sad?
Savannah: Yes. SO many people were crying and she just kept telling us about more sad stuff.
Erin: Sounds like Mrs. Duvall and Dearsie would get along well . . .
Me: Seriously . . .
Savannah: I didn't cry but I ALMOST did.
Me: Well, which wars did you learn about?
Savannah: Ummmmm . . . the Several War . . .
[Suddenly, the competition was on. It was like Erin and I were sitting with my mom trying to interpret her movie titles or restaurant names . . .]
Me and Erin: [trying to guess the right name before the other one does . . .] The Civil War?!
Savannah: Yeah.
Me: [to Erin] That was a tie.
Erin: What else did you learn about?
Savannah: Ummmmm . . . the World War. The FIRST World War and the SECOND World War.
Me: Wow - you learned a lot! Any others?
Savannah: Yes - we learned about the Rindleberry War.
Me: Okay - I'm out on that one.
Erin: The Revolutionary War . . . good! What else?
Savannah: The Kemah War.
Erin: [head down, focusing, determined to figure it out before me]
Me: Iwo Jima?
Erin: Nice . . .
Savannah: No - the KEMAH War.
Erin: Oh - that wasn't it? I'm still in it? [head back down, new look of determination in her eyes]
Me: Oh - KOREA.
Erin: Dangit.
Savannah: No, Catchy - the KOREAN War.
Erin: Yeah, Catchy - the KOREAN War.
Me: Oh - I was WAY off . . .
Erin: What else did you learn about?
Savannah: The TeamTom war.
Me: TeamTom??
Erin: Vietnam?
Savannah: Yeah.
Me: Wow. You win.

Well, frankly, I think she won after Rindleberry but TeamTom pretty much sealed the deal . . .

I'm so thankful that I live in a country where I can meet my sister and nieces for a fun dinner whenever I want. I'm so thankful that I live in a country where little girls can go to school and learn about our country's history. I'm so thankful that I live in a country where my biggest worry is whether or not I'll beat my sister at guessing what my mom or my niece are talking about. And I'm so thankful for all the veterans who have served near and far - and apparently right here in Kemah - to keep it that kind of country. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Happy Veterinarian's Day!! :)

Ouch - that's a bit harsh, don't you think?

I sent an email out today to a list of young lawyers in the area. Almost immediately, two of the emails were kicked back to me as bad email addresses. That's nothing new - I get those "mailer daemon" or "mail delivery system" emails every time I send an email to a bad address. I usually just delete them but, for some reason, I actually read one of them today. And I have to say that it was a bit harsh . . .


174.36.154.100 does not like recipient.
Remote host said: 550 5.7.1 Recipient rejected (R7)
Giving up on 174.36.154.100.

Seriously - did they hire a group of high school girls to write their email codes? I mean, all that's missing is "O . . .M . . .G . . . - Recipient is like a MAJOR loser . . . I mean, did you SEE her outfit today?"

Oh great - now I feel like I need to seek out "recipient" and become friends with her so that she won't feel rejected . . .

The day I've been waiting for . . .

Well, it's finally happened. My biggest dream has come true.

No, the New Kids on the Block have NOT finally asked me to be their opening act.

No, I have NOT invented an adult-sized Sit & Spin.

And no, Mike Rowe has NOT proposed to me, despite my repeated efforts to seduce him through my television screen.

No - I'm talking about something bigger. Something more unbelievable. Something - well, I'm just gonna say it - miraculous. You see, friends, the research I've been waiting for all my life has finally been released. All my struggles are over. And my life may never be the same. "What is this life-changing research, Catherine??? We're dying to know!!" you exclaim. Okay, okay. I'll tell you. Wait, no - I'll let you read the article that my friend Ellen forwarded to me today. You read it and judge for yourselves if it's not the most exciting thing you've ever heard.

I daresay that you, like me, shall LITERALLY jump for joy:

*****

(CNN) -- Twinkies. Nutty bars. Powdered donuts.

For 10 weeks, Mark Haub, a professor of human nutrition at Kansas State University, ate one of these sugary cakelets every three hours, instead of meals. [So, wait - OTHER people do that, too?? I think he might be my soulmate.] To add variety in his steady stream of Hostess and Little Debbie snacks, Haub munched on Doritos chips, sugary cereals and Oreos, too. [Mmmmmmm . . . yes, please . . .]

His premise: That in weight loss, pure calorie counting is what matters most -- not the nutritional value of the food. [I like where this is going . . .]

The premise held up: On his "convenience store diet," he shed 27 pounds in two months. [Wait - what? . . . What? . . . WHAT??? This is . . . I never thought I'd . . . so it really . . . breathe, Catherine . . . breathe . . .]

For a class project, Haub limited himself to less than 1,800 calories a day. A man of Haub's pre-dieting size usually consumes about 2,600 calories daily. So he followed a basic principle of weight loss: He consumed significantly fewer calories than he burned. [Wait - let me get a pen a paper so I can take some notes.]

His body mass index went from 28.8, considered overweight, to 24.9, which is normal. He now weighs 174 pounds. [I'm crying. I'm ACTUALLY crying.]

But you might expect other indicators of health would have suffered. Not so. [gulp]

Haub's "bad" cholesterol, or LDL, dropped 20 percent and his "good" cholesterol, or HDL, increased by 20 percent. He reduced the level of triglycerides, which are a form of fat, by 39 percent. [Blah blah blah . . . get to the important stuff - did he LOVE the Swiss Cake Rolls or WHAT??]

"That's where the head scratching comes," Haub said. "What does that mean? Does that mean I'm healthier? Or does it mean how we define health from a biology standpoint, that we're missing something?"[Ummmmm . . . it means I'm having Swiss Cake Rolls for dinner and no one can judge me!!]

Despite his temporary success, Haub does not recommend replicating his snack-centric diet. [Oh, oooooooooookay. Wink wink, riiiiiiiiight?]

"I'm not geared to say this is a good thing to do," [I am. I am DEFINITELY geared to do that.] he said. "I'm stuck in the middle. I guess that's the frustrating part. I can't give a concrete answer. There's not enough information to do that."

Two-thirds of his total intake came from junk food. [Seriously, I want to kiss this guy.] He also took a multivitamin pill and drank a protein shake daily. And he ate vegetables, typically a can of green beans or three to four celery stalks. [Ah now that's just a sign of weakness, man. If you can't commit 100% to Little Deb, just go home.]

Families who live in food deserts have limited access to fresh fruits and vegetables, so they often rely on the kind of food Haub was eating. [Note to self: find a "food desert" and research real estate prices there.]

"These foods are consumed by lots of people," he said. "It may be an issue of portion size and moderation rather than total removal. I just think it's unrealistic to expect people to totally drop these foods for vegetables and fruits. It may be healthy, but not realistic." [Preach it, brotha!!]

Haub's body fat dropped from 33.4 to 24.9 percent. This posed the question: What matters more for weight loss, the quantity or quality of calories? [Why are we talking about this? Who cares? IT'S A DIET OF LITTLE DEBBIES!!!!]

His success is probably a result of caloric reduction, said Dawn Jackson Blatner, a dietitian based in Atlanta, Georgia. [Oh great - who invited the dietitian to the party?]

"It's a great reminder for weight loss that calories count," she said. "Is that the bottom line to being healthy? That's another story."

Blatner, a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association, said she's not surprised to hear Haub's health markers improved even when he loaded up on processed snack cakes.

Being overweight is the central problem that leads to complications like high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol, she said. [Buzz kill . . .]

"When you lose weight, regardless of how you're doing it -- even if it's with packaged foods, generally you will see these markers improve when weight loss has improved," she said.

Before jumping on the Ding Dong bandwagon, Blatner warned of health concerns. [Ooooooof course she did. Dang dietitians. They are so annoy- wait . . . did they say Ding Dongs? Mmmmmm . . . ding dongs . . .]

"There are things we can't measure," said Blatner, questioning how the lack of fruits and vegetables could affect long-term health. "How much does that affect the risk for cancer? We can't measure how diet changes affect our health." [(fingers in ears) LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEEEEEEEAR YOOOOOOOU!!! LALALALALALA]

On August 25, Haub, 41, started his cake diet focusing on portion control.

"I'm eating to the point of need and pushing the plate or wrapper away," he said. [What? Pushing the plate away? What is this strange concept about which you speak??]

He intended the trial to last a month as a teaching tool for his class. As he lost weight, Haub continued the diet until he reached a normal body mass index.

Before his Twinkie diet, he tried to eat a healthy diet that included whole grains, dietary fiber, berries and bananas, vegetables and occasional treats like pizza. [Never again, my friend. Never again.]

"There seems to be a disconnect between eating healthy and being healthy," Haub said. "It may not be the same. I was eating healthier, but I wasn't healthy. I was eating too much."

He maintained the same level of moderate physical activity as before going on the diet. (Haub does not have any ties to the snack cake companies.)

To avoid setting a bad example for his kids, Haub ate vegetables in front of his family. Away from the dinner table, he usually unwrapped his meals. [For the first time in my life, I'm thankful I don't have kids.]

Haub monitored his body composition, blood pressure, cholesterol and glucose, and updated his progress on his Facebook page, Professor Haub's diet experiment.

To curb calories, he avoided meat, whole grains and fruits. Once he started adding meat into the diet four weeks ago, his cholesterol level increased.

Haub plans to add about 300 calories to his daily intake now that he's done with the diet. But he's not ditching snack cakes altogether. Despite his weight loss, Haub feels ambivalence.

"I wish I could say the outcomes are unhealthy. I wish I could say it's healthy. I'm not confident enough in doing that. That frustrates a lot of people. One side says it's irresponsible. It is unhealthy, but the data doesn't say that." [Trust the data, my friend. Trust the data.]

*****

Aaaaaaand cue the Hallelujah Chorus . . .

Faceplace

My mom loves going to movies so she'll often ask me and my sisters if we want to go see a particular movie with her. As I've mentioned before, though, this can be tricky because she can never remember the name movies. So, out of necessity, my sisters and I have become expert Nora translators:

Mom: There are couple of movies that out that I really want to see if anyone wants to go.
Me: Sure - which ones do you want to see.
Mom: Well, that one that Brian was just telling me about. Ummmm . . .[thinking of the name]
Bro-in-law Brian: [helping her out] Inside Job.
Mom: Yeah, that one.
Me: Huh. I haven't even heard of that one.
Tammy: I want to see Conviction SO bad.
Mom: Yeah - I'd see that one, too. And I REALLY want to see that faceplace one.
Me: The faceplace one?
Mom: Yeah. The one about faceplace.
Me: You mean The Social Network?
Mom: Yeah - that one.
Me: About faceBOOK.
Mom: Whatever.

I'm gonna be like that one day, too, aren't I?

I hope my kids don't blog . . .

Now where did you learn THAT??

My sister Erin was out shopping with her kids the other day and, just as they were leaving the store, Savannah (7) unwrapped a candy bar and threw the wrapper in a shopping cart that she was walking past. Erin couldn't believe what she had seen - she does NOT want her kids to be disrespectful like that or to be litterbugs. So she stopped the kids . . . and decided to have a teaching moment:

Erin: Ummmm . . . Savannah - you can't do that.
Savannah: What?
Erin: [pointing to the shopping cart] You can't mess with Texas.
Savannah: Mommy - I didn't mess with Texas. I messed with a shopping cart.
Erin: It doesn't matter - you can't do that. It's littering. [Deciding to pull out the big guns . . .] You can go to jail for that.
Savannah: No I won't, Mommy. They won't put me in jail.
Erin: Yes, they would.
Savannah: No, I wouldn't go to JAIL, Mommy. I'd just go to JUVIE.

And who says kids don't learn anything good in public schools??

My superhero counterpart.

I was driving home from the grocery store the other day when my phone rang. I saw that it was Jill so I answered it - not that I wouldn't have answered it if it was YOU . . . I mean, I always answer the phone when YOU call . . . it's just that . . . what I meant was . . . you see I just . . . [gulp] is it hot in here??

ANYWAY - I answered the phone and Jill greeted me with the words I've been waiting to hear all my life:

Me: Hey, Jilly!
Jill: Catherine - you're a superhero.
Me: I am?
Jill: Yes. An actual superhero.
Me: You mean to tell me that my application was finally accepted?
Jill: What?
Me: Wait - what?
Jill: [awkward pause] You're a superhero on PBS. And your name is Word Girl.
Me: There's a superhero named Word Girl??
Jill: Yes!!
Me: Oh my gosh!! I love her already!!
Jill: I know! Me, too!! And she's just like you!
Me: [getting carried away with excitement] She is??
Jill: [getting carried away with excitement, too] Yes!
Me: Perfect and precious with a butt that won't quit??!!??!!
Jill: Yes!!! And she even has a little brown bob like you! Aaaaaaaand she goes around fighting bad guys and correcting grammar and word choices!!
Me: That IS like me!! Does she eat Little Debbies for power??
Jill: I don't know!!
Me: [seriously] No doubt she does, Jill. No doubt she does.

Oh my gosh - I was so excited. I came right home and googled her and found this little clip that I wanted to share with you. Check out my newest favorite superhero:



God love PBS . . .

Obsessed.

My younger sister, Erin, is one of the most obsessive people I know - once she learns about something, she can't stop until she knows everything about it. She's really like my mom in that sense.

For example . . .

After we saw the movie 300, she stayed up until 4 am reading stuff on the internet until she became the resident expert on Sparta. And she recently started watching the Showtime series "The Tudors" so now, after a few nights of late-night googling a few trips to the optometrist for eye fatigue, she knows everything there is to know about Henry VIII. When she read "The Help," she spent a week researching Medgar Evers . . . and added Ghosts of Mississippi to her Netflix queue. And don't even get me started about what she did after watching "My Left Foot" . . .

It's crazy.

And it's a problem.

So I knew I was in for trouble when she started watching Food, Inc., which is an expose about the alarming state of food production in the United States. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, unfortunately for me, she had her phone next to her.

And I'm on speed dial . . .

[RING RING]

Me: Hey, Erin!

Erin: Catherine, I want to kill myself.

Me: Why? Did you scratch your Twilight DVD?

Erin: That's not funny - don't joke about that. No - it's because I'm watching Food, Inc., Catherine. It's horrible.

Me: Oh really?

Erin: Catherine - 1 in 3 Americans born after 2000 will get early onset diabetes! 1 in 3!!

Me: Yikes.

Erin: Worst. Movie. EVER.

Me: Sounds like it.

Erin: But there's a man on here and he needs someone to be a true friend because he has MONSTER nose hairs. It's distracting me from this crisis.

Me: Oh - I wish you'd never told me that . . .

Erin: Okay - I have to go. It's like watching a train wreck.

[click]

[RING RING!]

Me: Hey, Erin!

Erin: The chicks are real sad, Catherine. They're real sad.

Me: Why?

Erin: Because they just throw them on conveyor belts and they're little legs are flailing and it's sooooo sad [getting choked up].

Me: You're a lunatic.

Erin: Shut up. Gotta go.

[click]

[RING RING!]

Me: Hey!

Erin: Catherine, I can't take it.

Me: What?

Erin: They hang the cows upside down before they kill them!

Me: Oh that's sad.

Erin: And they have to stand in their own feces at the feed farms. So by the time that they go to the butcher they're completely covered in their own feces! I can't take it!

Me: Well, turn it off!

Erin: I've gotta go . . .

[click]

Me: [looking at my phone] Okaaaaaay . . .

[RING RING!]

Me: Hey!

Erin: The pigs scream, Catherine! THEY SCREAM!!

Me: Think THEY do . . .

Erin: This is horrible.

Me: So let me get this straight. You couldn't stay up past 9:30 last night to hang out with your SISTER but throw some screaming pigs in the picture and you're suddenly a night owl?

Erin: And the chicks! They grabbed me right away, Catch. If you come to my house with kegs and arms flailing on a conveyer belt, you'd get my attention, too.

Me: Kegs?

Erin: I meant legs.

Me: Yeah - cuz kegs would be a little harder to flail.

Erin: But you could do a keg stand - THAT would get my attention.

Me: I can't do handstands for more than 2 seconds so I'd need a little help. Maaaaaaaaaybe someone could hang me upside down like the cows . . .

Erin: You hateful, hateful bit- gotta go . . . the nosehair guy's on again . . .

[click]

[RING RING!]

Me: Seriously?

Erin: Just FYI, in case you ever want something fun to talk about at parties - THEY CLEANSE OUR MEAT WITH AMMONIA. THE MEAT TURNS WHITE!!

Me: That doesn't sound good.

Erin: Freakin' AMMONIA, Catherine.

Me: Hmmmmmm . . .

Erin: I seriously want to kill myself right now.

Me: I know how you feel . . .

Erin: We are NOT eating meat anymore. I'm done with it. [Then to her husband] Matt - we are NOT eating meat . . . for at LEAST like two weeks.

Matt: Okay - I'm ordering the pizza. What kind do you want?

Erin: Meatlovers. [Back to me] Anyway, Catherine - where was I?