Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Brink your recive!

My friend Vicki sent me an email tonight that I just had to share. She had just returned from filling her tank up at a local gas station when she noticed that the header and footer on her receipt from the station were a little . . . ummmmmm . . . confused:

The header:


Aaaaaaand the footer:

As Vicki said in her email . . . I can't have a nice day NOW!

Seriously? Never before has the promise of a free apple pie given me indigestion. I'm just glad that Vicki got this one instead of me because, let's be honest . . . a recive like this would brink me to my knees.

So Vicki . . . better yo than me.

Monday, August 29, 2011

The first female President?

I'm aliiiiiiiiive!!! Sorry about going MIA . . . I hope you missed me LOTS while I was gone. I've been in trial for the last two weeks and the week before that I was too busy getting ready for trial to do any blogging. But my trials are over for now and it's time to get back to it! So I thought that I'd get back into the blogging saddle by telling you a story that my sister Erin told me today about my 6-year-old niece Avery.

They were playing a game that we play a lot when we're in the pool at my mom's. We don't have a name for it but these are the rules:

1) The group playing picks a category. Example: Candy.
2) The first person to go thinks of a type of candy (i.e. Snickers) and then everyone goes under water.
3) The person says their candy name under water as loudly and as articulately as they can.
4) Everyone comes up and guesses what the person said. [Don't judge - it's harder than it sounds.]
5) If no one, guesses correctly, everyone goes back under and the process is repeated until someone guesses it.

Follow me?

Now the trick to this game is to really exaggerate your speaking under water so that everyone can understand you through the bubbles and whatnot. I'm pretty awesome at this game, by the way. That's not really pertinent to this story but I thought you should know . . .

ANYWAY . . . Erin and Avery were at my mom's pool today and started playing this game. They had just about exhausted the Candy category when this conversation happened:

Erin: We need a new category - I can't think of anymore candies!!
Avery: How 'bout we can do whatever category we want, we just have to tell each other what the category is before we go under water.
Erin: Okay! That's a great idea.
Avery: I'm gonna do . . . ummmm . . . a President.
Erin: Okay!
Avery: Ready?
[both go under water and Avery says her President then they both come back up.]
Erin: [no idea what Avery just said underwater but trying to guess Presidents that Avery would know . . .] Ummmm . . . Washington?
Avery: Nope!
[both go back under and repeat the process. Erin still has no idea.]
Erin: Was iiiiiiiiit Lincoln?
Avery: Nope!
[both go back and under and do it all over again.]
Erin: Obama?
Avery: Nope! Wanna hint?
Erin: Yes! I'm dying here . . .
Avery: It's a girl. Ready to try again?!
Erin: [confused silence] Oh this is awkward. Ummm . . . there ARE no girl Presidents.
Avery: Oh. [looking confused] Well, if it's not a girl, then he has a girl's name. Ready?
[both go under and Avery says the name]
Erin: [racking her brain for a President with a girl's name and coming up with nothing] Ummmm . . . I have no idea. Kennedy?
Avery: Nope! Give up?
Erin: Yes - I have NO idea!
Avery: [exasperated . . .] Rose Avelt!

Oh man . . . it's good to be blogging again!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dream Diet

My sister Erin was in her car the other day with my nieces Savannah (8) and Avery (6). Avery had just come from a birthday party where she had received a goody bag as a party favor and it was filled with all kinds of candy. She was sitting in the backseat munching on her goodies when this conversation occurred:

Savannah: Aw, man - no fair! I didn't get a goody bag!
Avery: That's okay, Savannah - you can have mine. This stuff is NOT on my diet.
Savannah: [confused, knowing how much her sister loves sugar] You're not on a diet, Avery.
Avery: Yes, I am. I'm watching what I eat.
Erin: You are?
Avery: Mmmm hmmm.
Erin: Like what are you not going to eat now that you're watching what you eat?
Avery: Sugar.
Erin: Really? Well, good for you.
Avery: [with a very grown-up air, teaching about her diet . . .] Like I can have vanilla ice cream, buuuuuuuuut not chocolate.
Erin: Oooooooh . . .
Avery: [nodding and continuing, very seriously] And I can have like a REGULAR popsicle buuuuuuut not like a FUDGEsicle.
Erin: I see. Well, don't set the bar TOO high for yourself . . .
[30 minutes later at my house . . .]
Avery: [grabs handful of M&Ms on her way out my door]
Savannah: Avery, I thought you were giving up sugar.
Avery: [looking at Savannah like she's crazy] No I'm NOT.

Sooooooooo I think I've got it figured out - I'm going to be encouraging Avery to become a dietitian. And then I'm gonna sign up to be her first client.

The only question left to decide is: do I go with French Vanilla or Vanilla Bean?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

No kiero una kesadilla . . .

My friend Kendall sent me a picture the other day of another example of what happens when you don't check your spelling before you make a sign advertising your business . . .

Something tells me this Mexican food is NOT authentic . . .

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Bedside manner

My sister Erin watches kids during the day and she's always calling me with the funniest stories about the kiddos that she babysits. The other day, she called to tell me a story about a 4-year-old named Alana (I've written about her toilet inspection before) and a 3-year-old named Luke. She's been watching both of them for several years so they're like family to all of us now. And they are so cuh-UTE. To help you grasp their preciousness, you should know that Luke wears the cutest little glasses and Alana says her "Rs" as "Ws." Seriously - they're so cute I can't STAND it!!

ANYWAY, the other day the kids at Erin's house were playing doctor in the playroom. Alana had her little doctor kit and the rest of the kids lined up as patients, eager to get their checkups. Luke was the first in line so he walked up to Dr. Alana to, hopefully, be given a clean bill of health.

Not so much:

Alana: [puts stethoscope on Luke's chest and then states matter-of-factly . . .] You've got a bwoken haht.
Luke: [concerned, exclaiming . . .] My BONES are broken??
Alana: [exasperated] NO. Youw HAHT is bwoken.
Luke: [gasps]
Alana: It's bwoken in a MILLION pieces.
Luke: [gasps louder]
Alana: [with dramatic finish] You awe dead fo-evew! [pause] NEXT!!

Apparently, Luke took the news well - he did a dramatic death scene and then laid there in the "exam" room while Alana looked after the rest of her patients, unconcerned with the tragic death that had just occurred. And the rest of the patients didn't seem to be as concerned as I would be if my doctor's previous patient was lying dead in the exam room - they just stepped over him and got their checkups.

She must have a VERY low co-pay . . .

Monday, August 1, 2011

Rain dancing - Palmore style!

As most of you have probably heard (or experienced), Texas is in the middle of a pretty bad drought. It has rained a couple of times this summer but not much and certainly not in any significant amount. This might not be that unusual for some parts of Texas but I live in the Gulf Coast region, which tends to be a little wetter than other parts of Texas. In fact, by now we usually have had a couple of tropical storms and some rain from a hurricane that has made landfall somewhere along the Gulf. So it's strange to go this long with no rain. Trees are dying, grass is burned up, and my backyard looks pitiful.

The other day, I thought things were taking a turn for the better. I was walking my dog and noticed that the sky had turned gray, the wind had picked up, and I heard thunder and smelled rain. I was really excited because I figured that we were in for a good storm. But, alas, the cloud just passed over us and gave us a whole lotta nothin'. It was just cruel. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

It was time to do a rain dance.

So I Googled the steps to a rain dance and it sounded simple enough, at least according to the websites I read. Here are the steps as I understand them:

1. Stand in a clearing in your yard or outdoors somewhere.
2. Hold your hands up above your head.
3. Look up to the sky.
4. Spin around while chanting something easily repeated, such as "rain rain rain rain."
5. Spin until you're too dizzy to continue.
6. Immediately drop to one knee until the dizziness subsides.

As I was reading the steps to a rain dance, I realized that it's very similar to a game that my parents used to play with us called "the broom trick." We're very creative with our game names in my family. ANYWAY, the steps are somewhat similar. Judge for yourself:

1. Stand with a broom in a clearing in your yard.
2. Hold a broom so that the base of broom is touching your chin.
3. Look up to the top of the broom.
4. Spin around 15-20 times.
5. Immediately drop the broom and try to jump over it.

Granted, it's not the SAME as the Native American rain dance. And it's certainly not a spiritual ritual. But it IS pretty fun. So I decided to use that as my own version of a rain dance and I got my sisters' kids to help me out. Together we did our own Palmore Rain Dance in my sister's front yard to try to bring some rain and end this drought.

You're welcome.

Now, my nieces and nephew had never done this before so it was a new experience for them. Emma was the first brave soul to try it out. Aaaaaaaaaand she didn't quite make it . . .

Then Avery gave it a shot. And had about as much success as Emma did. She even gives off a totally involuntary growl/grunt:

Savannah went next and quickly showed us that rain dancing/broom tricking can be a dangerous activity . . .

Ben went last and did the best of anyone. Perhaps his success is due to his commitment to keeping his chin on the broom at all costs or his absolutely terrifying Frankenstein-esque face:

When all the kids had gone, I decided it was time to show them how it's REALLY done. After all, I am 35 and have much better balance than these little KIDS:

Not my proudest moment. And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who had to chase my rain dance with a muscle relaxer.

Since the broom trick proved to be a little too difficult, we decided to try something a little closer to an actual rain dance. Surely that would be easier, right?

Not so much . . .

So that was our attempt at trying to get some rain for Texas. And I don't want to take credit for anything but we DID get some rain this weekend. So I'm pretty sure that you have us to thank for that.

You're welcome. Again.

Just think how much rain we could get if you all got out there and did a broom trick rain dance, too! I think you should try it. And video it. And send it to me at catherine@thecatherinechronicles.com so I can post it for all to see. I mean, you don't want me to be the ONLY one on here making a fool of myself, do you???

So get rain dancin', people! Texas needs you.

And don't forget the muscle relaxers . . .