Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Deep thoughts . . .

Sometimes I'm glad that no one can see or hear my innermost thoughts - not because they're inappropriate or anything, but because they are so inane. I've somehow managed to fool people into thinking that I am halfway intelligent but the reality is that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about the most ridiculous topics that intelligent people don't spend time thinking about. Do I while away the hours brainstorming ways to fix the economy? No. Do I spend my drive to work pondering the great literary works of all time? Absolutely not. I wish I were that type of person - I really do.

But I'm not.

Don't believe me? Well, let me share with you some of my deepest thoughts from this week . . .

Every morning this week, I have stared in the mirror trying to figure out if I'm going to have a good eyelash day. Yes - I said eyelash. The lashes on my right eye have been doing this weird separation thing and I can't figure out why. It is causing me much more distress than is reasonable or acceptable for a mature adult. You may think it strange to spend so much time on a topic like this - not in my world, friend. There have been lots of times when I have called my best friend on the way into work and we have talked for 30 minutes about what kind of eyelash day we're each having - this is why she's my best friend . . .

I've also spent some time thinking this week about what toy I'd want to be in charge of making if I were an elf in Santa's Workshop. And when I say "some time" I mean "way more time than a 35 year old woman should spend thinking about such things." I go back and forth between the Sit and Spin or the Easy Bake Oven. I mean, on one hand, who WOULDN'T want to put their name on a fabulous product like the Sit and Spin, right? But, on the other hand, how cool would it be to build a contraption that can cook a 4 inch cake with a freakin' lightbulb?? So I go back and forth between those two and JUST when I think I'm about to make up mind, I think about how cool it would be to build a Lite Brite. And then I'm back to square one . . . [sigh].

And speaking of Santa - I've spent a lot of time lately looking at my fireplace, thinking about how little it is. Which, of course, leads me to spend way too much time thinking about how there's no way Santa could ever get in my house that way. And that, in turn, leads me to think a great deal about how fireplaces must have been bigger in the old days when Santa first started coming around. Judge if you must, but these are important issues that must be pondered, people.

And on the topic of important issues . . . On my way home from work today, I spent about 30 minutes wondering why the Reese's Peanut Butter Christmas Trees (or the Reese's Eggs at Easter) taste so much better than the regular Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I mean, the ingredients are the same . . . but the results are so DIFFERENT. Seriously - if you let yourself, you can waste a LOT of time thinking about it, too.

When I got home, I had to give my dog some antihistamines because he keeps scratching a lot. Every time I give him one of his pills, I have to use peanut butter so that he'll swallow the pills without knowing that they were even there. That gets me thinking that next time I have take any sort of pill I'm going to try it with peanut butter. I might like it. He seems to . . .

This evening, I spent about 10 minutes wondering if Shaun T would ban me from doing his Hip Hop Abs video if he knew that I make up little raps to sing to my dog while doing his workout. If you've ever heard me rap, you'd wonder that, too. Then, about 15 minutes into my workout - as I was considering the very real possibility of dying while doing the Booty Pop - I spent about 20 minutes wondering if my family would honor me by making up a less embarrassing story about my death. I do not want to be known as the girl who died doing the Booty Pop.

Another super-deep thought of mine tonight happened when I stopped by Target to pick up some wrapping paper and Christmas candy. While I was walking around, I looked up at the wall and saw an advertisement with a picture of a guy doing push-ups. And I ACTUALLY looked for a wedding ring on the guy . . .

Which reminds me - the other day I felt a sinus headache coming on and it reminded me that I needed to do my sinus rinse. I don't know if you're familiar with this process but it's not pretty. I have a bottle that I have to fill up with water and then dissolve a salt solution in. Once that is ready to go, I have to squirt the bottle up one nostril until it drains out of the other nostril. Then I switch nostrils and repeat. It's similar to a Neti Pot in that they are both designed to irrigate the sinuses and reduce sinus problems . . . and they are both SUPER unattractive. As I was doing my sinus rinse, I spent several minutes thinking about how irresistible I would be to the men of the world if they could only see me in that moment - a bottle up one nostril and a stream of salty solution flowing from the other. Combine that with my bed head? Wow. It's unfair for one person to possess THAT much sex appeal . . .

So there you have it - a look into my soul. No doubt my Mensa invitation is in the mail, right? Oh well - if Mensa doesn't want me, I say it's their loss. I would be a great asset to their group.

ESPECIALLY when I'm having a good eyelash day . . .

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Catherine, Do you use NeilMed Sinus Rinse for this?

Phyllis Eddings said...

The answer to the Reese's question is that the holiday versions are thicker. I personally prefer the classic version, because of the way the chocolate kind of snaps as you bite into it.

Jill said...

I'm so sorry about your eyelash issue. I feel particularly bad for you because I'm having an unusually good eyelash month. Maybe you should have a grape Shasta in your "st nds" glass. That always makes me happy. We'll just say it's "soup". Call me if you need to work out your eyelash issue in a little more detail.

Jill said...

One more thing...holiday Oreos are way better than regular ones too. The thicker theory doesn't work here though so I kind of want to know how they do it. Is it the food coloring? Do they have to whip the filling more because of the coloring? I'm dying to know!

Catherine said...

Yes, Anonymous! I DO use NeilMed Sinus Rinse . . . YOU?? Isn't it the greatest? Well, at least the greatest thing you stick up your nose to irrigate your sinuses . . .? :)

Good call on the holiday Oreos, Jill. Think I need to eat a few to analyze them further. Maybe I should puree them into an Oreo soup . . .?